Japanese tour journal
I forgot about this part and I hadn't written it down. A few days before we left Spencer called and asked if I knew how to play drums. I said nope and asked why. "Well," he says, "Ryan can't find his passport, so it's either me play drums or we don't go." Jesus… I don't know why I was surprised, though, Ryan loses everything from clothes to his train of thought. So we discussed it and I was either going to try my luck at drums or I was going to sing and Spencer was going to play drums. This is not good… Up until about the day before we flew out, I had no idea if Ryan was coming. Luckily he was there when I got to the airport. Apparently his ferrets' had hidden his passport under the rug. About to embark on a 14 hour flight and being a superstitious flier as it is I started to wonder, "maybe the ferrets know more than us! Maybe they are intuned to the future! Maybe we're going to die and they didn't want their master going down with the plane!!!" After a brief moment of contemplation I decided against worshipping the ferrets as gods and take the flight… here we go.
Tuesday Oct 11th, 2005
I went to Chicago on Friday, Oct 7th. I met up with Mark and went to Sears and Donny's. Apparently it's a whiskey party or something like that. Well needless to say we all got wasted and Donny got naked. Good times. Me, Mark, and Mike, Mark's roommate and all around metalhead lamb eating good guy, ducked out early and went to a kegger that Mark's gf, Jen, was at. We were seriously the oldest people there. It was weird. We walked in and someone passed out and all these kids were freaking out. Mike told them to put him on the couch and I think someone said, "Listen to him! He's old!" HA! Well we went out back and people were doing kegstands. Me and Mike just yelled as loud and as much as we could right in people's faces. It was ridiculous. After that Melissa called and picked us up and we went back to Mark's and ate lamb. Apparently I passed out on the toilet. Mike informed me of this the next morning after I woke up in bed. He said, "yeah, I thought you were dead so I had to piss in a bottle" thanks, mike.
The next night Mike and Mark had a low-key party in their loft. Mike and I started the night off by going to dinner at a restaurant that serves alligator, ostrich, buffalo, deer, etc… highlight: blackened alligator. We walked back to the loft and discussed opening a restaurant that only sells endangered species, panda steaks, bald eagle soup, etc. Next to the item on the menu is a number of how many are left and when you order it they lower the number and raise the price. yes, there is something wrong with us. The party started and Jeff Johns, Sara and Noelle came out. Good dudes, fun times. I didn't get any sleep since I was so anxious and nervous that I wouldn't wake up and miss my flight (which has happened, shut up) I got to the airport, breezed through security and met up with the dudes…
Wed Oct12th
Had to cut it short yesterday we were running late to meet our driver. So, backing up. We got on the plane for our 14 hour flight. The plane was huge, bigger than any I've ever been on. There were three rows total. Three seats on either side then a center row of 5 seats. Everyone was assigned the middle row, except me. I was on the end near the window and I must say I'm kinda glad. Those guys were jumping all over the place and putting shit on their heads, basically making a scene. They're good for that. I thought they were gonna get kicked off the plane. Our flight pattern went in an arc over Alaska and down. We were traveling through the international date line so we left on Sun Oct 9th @ 11:00am and arrived on Monday Oct 10th @ 2:00pm. The entire plane ride was daylight. We got in and I was a bit nervous because of customs and what not, but we breezed right through with our merch and all. As we were exchanging our money for Yen, we met some woman who knew Bill Gates. Apparently he flew her out in a private jet. She was nice at first then got really weirded out after the barrage of questions. We met up with our driver/translator, Shimoda. His English wasn't that great, but whatever. We hopped in the van and took off. It was weird having the driver sitting where the passenger does then turn into oncoming traffic (well, US wise) Japan is very industrialized, there are factories all over. Even a Disneyland!
We were staying in Kiba, which is on the Eastern side of Tokyo. We had to pay for our apt up front, so me, Dex, fill in guitarist from Haunted Life, and Spencer used all our own money. I literally had NO money until Spencer could pay me back… So I've been penniless for two days. The banks have been closed due to a Japanese and American Holiday. We also found out that the apt was only meant for 3 people….ha. Luckily the apt is in a different place than where the front desk area is so the other 3 dudes can come and go without worry. So we enter the apt and it's two small rooms, and one is half hallway. The bathroom is a closet. It's about 5ft by 5ft, if that. The rest of the apt is just as small. The room that 5 of us are sleeping in is about 7ft by 20ft. well the first night we were there we walked around our neighborhood or prefecture ('NESE, tight) We found a 711. Of course it was completely different than ones in the US. It's funny because everytime we come to an intersection everyone looks the wrong way. Someone is gonna get hit soon. We passed a ton of vending machines. You can get anything in there. I hit up the beer one. Oh, Asahi, you my only friend. Everything is lit up. Most signs are in English or Engrish. Some of it's funny. We went to a place called Freshness Burger. It was alright. Burgers are a bit different here. They are more like soy. We hopped on the subway after many failed attempts since the subway system maps look like they were based off the New York sewer system. (ed note check this http://www.bento.com/subtop5.html ) We asked Shimoda where all the action was, cool places to check out. So he sent us to Roppongi. We go there and saw a lot of white people. It was real touristy. There were a lot of random shit shops, head shops and strip clubs. We saw the Tokyo Tower, it looked like the Eiffel tower, go figure. Me and Spencer looked for an internet café. Everything is built up, so we found this building that said there was an internet place on the 10th floor. So we went up. It was really weird. Really dark. It had showers, free drinks and tons of porn. There was a maze of cubicles and massage chair cubicles. We walked around really not knowing what the hell we were doing. We heard some moaning and realized that this might be a "doing it" place. When in Rome…! Just kidding. We took off and everyone was getting real tired probably because it was 6am central time. On the way back on the subway there was this sweet advertisement of a skeleton eating a smog covered earth, it was probably for baby food or something. I ganked it then got immediately paranoid that I was going to get caned. We went to the grocery store and bought some rice and such then went to bed.
We woke up at like 8am and walked around the neighborhood. We went to this temple. It was odd. There were people at the entrance that would toss money into the this wooden box thing, clap their hands like a dealer at a casino, then bow and pray. We stood by this tank of water that had ladels. This old man walked up and demonstrated what we should do since we obviously had no idea. He washed both hands in the water, then put some in his mouth and spit it out. Interesting. We met up with Shimoda later and told him we hate white people and when we ask to go somewhere cool we don't wanna see other white people there. He told us about the water at the temple. He said it was to cleanse the hands and the heart or something like that. Shimoda is odd. He doesn't speak English very well and he's not really good at explaining anything. I think at one point he even said, "man, I hate being a translator." I'm starting to think that he was working and someone said, "hey we have American's coming in, and YOU get to be the translator." He drove us to the area of the show. It was insane, people everywhere. Shops everywhere. Everything is built into high rises. Certain floors are different businesses sometimes multiple floors. We also saw where the Emperor lives. Hi, Emperor! It is a massive compound surrounded by a moat. We walked around for awhile and went to a music store and a Tower music. We got to the show for sound check and it was a very small club in the basement under an AM/PM. Like 40 people were there for the show. It was weird being somewhere were pretty much no one spoke English and everyone speaks VERY quietly. Now I understand why everything thinks we're loud Americans. So now I'm in a loud ass club trying to communicate with a quiet person that barely speaks English…greeeeeaaaat. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not one of those people that are like, "Motherfuckers, you speak MY language!" I'm just observing. There was a painting of Kim Jong Il on the wall with Chinese or Korean next to it that said, "I like music" Needless to say I got my picture taken in front of it. I'm not too sure why it's there. It's kinda like having a Hitler painting in a restaurant that says "I like hotdogs!" or something. Before the show we went to this sushi place where everything was 137 yen, roughly $1.37 US. A chef stood in the middle and this conveyor belt went all around him and the room. You just picked up whatever plate you wanted. A counter stretched all around the chef, too, and every seat had a hot water dispenser for tea. The chef kept saying, "HYUH!" like a samurai it ruled. He did it to EVERYTHING like a nervous tick or something. Spencer had said he wasn't going to eat "weird" Japanese food but gave in and tried sushi. He liked it and definitely said "Oregano" instead of "Arigato." Amazing. The show went really well. Kids don't clap much. Afterwards there was this insane giveaway. We thought it was customary to give a gift when receiving one, so we gave away so many shirts. Shimoda later said, "nah, you don't have to give anything." DOH! Everyone was awesome and joked with us and took pictures. We didn't get paid though that sucked.
THURSDAY Oct 13th
Yesterday we got up at 9am. This sucks, our clocks are fucked. Everyday so afar we've woken up at 9 and have been in bed by 10:30. We got up and milled around, went to Freshness burger. I have a feeling Spencer will eat there everyday. We came back in time to meet Shimoda at 1pm. He was late and came walking up atbout 1:30. We got in the van and drove about an hour to Chiba. It was a big suburb. We got to the club it was called K's Dream. When we walked in we realized who "K" was. Kurt Cobain. He lined the walls. This was definitely a grunge revival type place. We soundchecked and saw that the drink menu had a drink called "Pantera," "Metallica," and "Whitesnake." If everything wasn't so expensive I'd be sipping a Black Sabbath right about now. We left to hit an internet café and food. Me, Phil, and Spencer went to the internet place it was kinda like the first place, but less seedy. They had these drink vending machines filled with like 40 different things AND they were free. Me and Phil drank everything from A to Z. Phil drank this hot CORN drink. It was disgusting. When we got out Shimoda had taught the rest of the dudes some choice Japanese phrases. "ooooh choe kawaii desunay" You are very beautiful! "Zu ki attay" Do you want to be friends/date/gf whatever "Konya Hima?" Are you free tonight? And you kinda have to raise your voice at the end otherwise you're saying, "you ARE free tonight!" look out, ladies! You WILL be free tonight! Apparently you only say this stuff to girls or there will be a fight. He also taught Ryan how to say "We are stupid Americans" Ware Ware Wa Baka American. Bakua Rob "I am Rob" Uma "horse" enu "dog" Cuso Shty "I have to shit" Cuso Kisshty "I want to kiss you" Chinko "dick" Manko "pussy" So basically we yelled this random stuff at people all night and got some laughs. I mean, cmon, if you were hanging out and a Japanese man ran up to you all excited saying, "I AM A STUPID HORSE WHO HAS TO SHIT!" You'd probably get a kick out of that, too. It was fun there were a decent amount of people there, it was like a high school show. All these bands were pop punkish. One member of another band spoke perfect English, I kinda wish he was our translator. Ha. His name was Josh. I think we got made fun of by one of the bands on stage. When the singer goes on some rant that ends with everyone laughing and looking at the Americans it's safe to say he's not welcoming us to his fair country. Oh well. We didn't get paid AGAIN! Afterwards me and Dex walked around and found this bar that had a confederate flag in the window, so we went in. It was REALLY small. There were records on the wall and in the window sill, Bob Dylan and such and the place kinda resembled a saloon. They looked really surprised to see Americans. We didn't stick around too long there. On the way home we saw a Denny's and a Shell. Nice. We got home and walked to Mos Burger, Freshness Burgers competitor. Where Ryan talked about opening up a Murder Café. We had so many different dishes I can only remember a few. It was hilarious. The Matthew Shepard Pie with some Lemonaids and for dessert, you could get the Jon Benet Raspberry, 9-elemon, Martin Luther cone or the Rodney King cone. There were guys with ear pieces walking around everywhere like the secret service. It was sketchy. We walked through some narrow alleyways on the way back and ran into some guy dressed like a valet. He was really flamboyant and animated. Everything we said was the funniest thing he had ever heard. He would collapse onto the ground laughing at anything. "Which way are you guys going?" "…uh, that way" AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I think he was trying to get us to come into this bar. He probably got commission or something. Side note: I just heard Spencer refer to someone as Hockey Habora. Nice.
I woke up at 9 again today but went back to bed til 12. Dex made some pancakes in the microwave. Today we were supposed to play on some tv show and wreak havoc, but I don't think it's happening now, bummer. Ryan just told Eric he was on life probation and that we would beat him if he breathed. I love it. Shimoda loves to say "Not so much" and "maybe not" to EVERYTHING. "Hey Shimoda, do you think there will be girls there tonight?" "maybe not" "Hey shimoda do you think girls would be into us?" "not so much" Shimoda lived in Germany until he was 18 then moved to Japan and learned English from his friends in California. For some reason I immediately thought about Cassandra on Waynes World learning English from Police Academy movies.
2:45am
Today was AMAZING! We got up with nothing to do since there was no tv appearance stuff. We got on the train and went to Shinjuku, near where we played the first night. We walked the streets and found NAT Records. It was one of the best record stores ever. Tons of old and new hardcore records. Finally the stuff I wanted to see. We walked around some huge buildings, too. Also, I finally got paid back for the apartment, MONEY! We've taken to ducking into alleys. They are filled with little shops. Then there are alleyways to the alleyways. They are even more small and narrow than the alleys! There were small restaurants that could only seat like 2 people, and those 2 people would basically be taking up all the space. There was a sunglasses shop that looked like it was carved into the side of a wall and they only carved enough room for the guy to sit down, I'm dead serious. It's like they took the dimensions of his body and made it just a LITTLE bit bigger so he could move. It looks like Times Square only bigger around here. INSANE! There were hundreds of dudes in suits trying to get people to come into their clubs. Everyone except us that is since we were American. We saw a building with a statue of King Kong scaling the outside with American Flag boxer shorts on called "the American Club." American Club, we're American, SURELY we will be treated like kings here. "Japanese Only" FUCK! So we went to the same sushi place we ate at the second night, yep, still the same. We went into some random shops and saw a building that said, "Sexual Harrasment Company" Hey, just like the Old Spaghetti Factory. We thought it was just bad Engrish so we ran inside and up a few flights of stairs only to get to a room covered in photos of women getting sexually harrassed and a man yelling at us "JAPANESE ONRY!" It really was the Sexual Harrassment Company. Businessmen dress women up in business attire then sexually harrass them. hmm. Later Shimoda explained why everything was Japanese Only. He said a lot of owners don't wanna deal with foreigners in situations that are hard to explain. Look at it this way, you have a language barrier, you might have some alcohol, you might have a sexual situation. You have some drunk American that stumbles across the Sexual Harrassment Co. He thinks "holy shit, I'm totally doing this" He's never seen anything like this in his life so he doesn't understand the rules that go along with it. Maybe you aren't allowed to do certain things. You have the guy running the business who can't really communicate the rules to this drunk ass. So it turns into some chick screaming while the "manager" is yelling all the while the drunk turd has no idea what's going on and thinks this is all apart of the game. aaaaaaaaaanywho, we met these American girls who were loud and dumb. We chatted for a bit then took off, but we kept running into them all over. We turned a corner and these drunk American guys were doing the usual, "WOO HOO!" in the streets. All these Japanese kids were getting riled up and yelling, too. It seems they are easy to excite. So we ran up and started high fiving everyone, dancing and yelling. There are like 20 Japanese kids all dancing with us and high fiving us. Then the American girls turned the corner so we started yelling, "AMERICAN MOVIE STARS!!!" and pointing. The kids started freaking out and taking pictures and stuff. We had our fun and started walking off, but these kids followed us like a mob. They followed us for blocks until we finally told them we had to go. We high fived and then ran for the train since they would stop running around midnight. We talked about going back up there on Friday and pretending Ryan was a movie star. Then charging kids to get their picture taken with him. When we got back to our prefecture Ryan wanted to go to the temple. So me and Phil walked around all over. We were spitting on cars on this overpass and started to walk home when we spotted a playground. We squeezed onto some swings and hung out when we we saw these 2 girls walk by. So I said, "koooooniiiichiwaaaa" real creepy like because you gotta say it creepy. Saying things really animated means you really mean it. Telling a girl she looks good really creepily shows her that you mean it. seriously. So I say hello almost as a joke 'cause I figured, "eh, they're gonna ignore us." Sure enough they start to walk over to us. "SHIT! I don't know any other Japanese!!" Luckily one of them spoke English. We talked for a bit and they walked us to our apt so we could give them our number. Their names were Noriko and Atsuko. They were like 27 and 30, but seriously looked aobut 20. We took them up to the apt and all the dudes were like, "heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey." After that I went to 711 to get a calling card and called some kids then hit the hay. We all slept til noon. word.
SAT Oct 15th
I finally caved and took the cushion off the chair in the hallway. This entire time I had been sleeping on the dufflebag of merch tshirts. It just wasn't cutting it anymore. Last night I've realized I'm already becoming desensitized to stuff here. Beer in vending machines no big deal now. Last night we went to Chinatown. that's right, Chinatown. To the untrained eye, us, it looked just like Japan, but with more dragons. The club was pretty cool. It was called the Lizard. we went to another internet cafe. I bought a beer to walk around with. Shimoda bought me a beer at a grocery store. I got this apple juice that had alcohol in it. It's really hard to tell half the time what's booze and what's not. Sometimes you think you're getting juice and then you examine the carton and realize there is a little 6.5% thing there. nice. They trick you into drinking. At the club I gave some kid some stickers and he gave me a sip of his drink. Then 5 mins later he brings me a shot. He kept trying to tell me what it was, but it was loud and I couldn't really understand him. He kepts saying, "WOKKA!" ooooooooooh VODKA! he hands me the shot and a glass of water as a chaser. I'm thinking, "uh, it's just vodka" so I wave it off. I down the shot and this kid is just saucer eyed like he can't believe what I just did. I'm thinking, "that's right, I'm cool." Then it hits me. I'm not sure what type of vodka that was, but it's burning and I'm trying to remain "cool" so I squeak out a "thanks" then when the kid isn't looking I cough my brains out. HARSH, I swear it was lighter fluid. The glass of "water' was probably the vodka. I introduced myself. His name was Casu, like kazoo. Nice kid, he really liked the Used. I was messed up. There were some Americans there. One was a teacher and 2 were from the Navy. They Navy guys were rad dudes. Pablo and Dave or as Spencer says Lt. Dan and Gen. Patton. One was a skin who was into Slapshot and had a Ronnie Van Zant tattoo. After the show we went to Domino's. I got tater tots and chicken nuggets. WHAT?! But it was good or maybe I was just drunk. It was expensive! they had a pizza with fish eggs among other things. Tomorrow we aer gonna go to Shibuya to pass out flyers. There is this storefront restaurant, sort of deli type place right around the corner from where we are staying. There is this little old lady that runs it, she's always out front when we walk by and always says, "hi" to us. she is super cool.
Sun Oct 16th 2:00am
I just got done doing some laundry. today me, Spence and Eric went to Shibuya. We made some fliers and went to the subway. It was like the blind leading the blind at that point. Usually everyone just pushed their money at Phil and he would give everyone their subway tickets. I saw some dude wearing a Disclose patch so I told Spencer to give him a flier but he was too scared to do it, so I did. He was nice barely spoke any English though so it was hard to communicate especially after he tried to help us select a train fare. We figured it out and we were off. Me and Spencer joked that we were so lost that as we zoomed past subway platforms we would see dead people and people from the past. Guess you had to be there, but it was hilarious. the last train we transferred onto was PACKED. The most packed a train could get. We got out and there were what seemed like thousands of people everywhere. Crossing the street was like a rushing into battle. We walked around for a sec before Pablo (who looks about as much like a Pablo like I look Japanese) and Dave called. We met up and went to a record store. It was probably the most amazing record store I've ever seen. It was small but had records I had only seen pictures of. When we left it was drizzling. No Bigs. Pablo wanted to take us to this authentic German place. Authentic German in Japan, hmmm. After much confusion and walking we found it. Our waitress was nice and had a German accent. i think she was a cutter. Whatever. We got beers (mine was $10!!!! and it was the cheapest one!!) fuck! We shared a plate of 5 different sausages, sauerkraut, and potatoes for $25, geez... I gave the waitress a flier ans seemed stoked. After that we sought out an ATM. It sucks because international ones work differently. So that took FOREVER and in the rain nonetheless. So my shoes were soaked along with my socks and anyone who knows me that this does not make for a happy Rob. This annoys me like no other and can quickly make my smile go south. We got to this punk bar. I think it was just called Punk Bar, or maybe it was Garageland. Whatever it was the the sign for it was a Nevermind the Bollocks rip. It was super small and kinda expensive. $6.50 for an Asahi. fuck that. We got a pizza too. It wasn't too different from ours. Thin crunchy crust. good. The wall was signed by the different bands who had visited. so naturally we got to sign it too. Definitely put a Cardiac Arrest up. Then we got this VIP seating. Which wasn't really VIP since the place was the size of a shoebox. You either got to sit at the ONE table (VIP) or at the bar. The bartender also played whatever cd you gave him. RULE. So we enjoyed the Deathreat discog with our beers. Afterwards the Navy boys had to go. It was raining heavier now. In Japan umbrellas are really cheap, like a dollar. People leave them laying all over. They buy them when it rains then just drop them wherever when it stops. So you just pick one up whenever you see them. At least that's what we were told, so that's what we did, ha. That's how we learned the umbrella game from Pachinko and Dan. Oh, everytime Spencer talked about Pablo and Dave he would call them something different. Ok, the umbrella game. Since EVERYONE has an umbrella and it's always crowded on the streets you just walk near them and lightly tap the top of their umbrella with yours. This causes the rain on top to fall on them or the person near them. We abused this game to the fullest extent. Who would've thought the most simplest of concepts could be so fun. We were supposed to meet the rest of the dudes at the $1.37 sushi place in Shinjuku at 10:30. They had all gone to some show at a college. By the time we got there I had been walking all day and I was soaked. I wasn't very happy and the fact that Spencer is a human anti-compass didn't make me much happier. I think there were times when we were standing with our backs to the sushi place and Spencer would say, "no, it's that way, I know it." and we would walk 5 blocks in the wrong direction. We found it and the guys weren't there. So now we had to risk missing the last subway train and being stranded on the opposite side of Tokyo from where we were staying. So I convinced Spencer and Eric to just walk to the subway. Lucky for us they were there. We got back and hung out at 7-11 for a bit. I called Nori. She was going to bed. Shimoda told me yesterday that she was basically a hooker. wow. She said that businessmen pay her to hang out with them at the bar. He said, "you know Caberet club? she drinks with you then...." So she's an escort.
Oct 17th 11:30pm
On Sunday we went Akihabara. That's basically where all the electronic stores and such are. we played at a place called Dress Tokyo. we've gotten so used to saying whatever we want in front of people. We sing, shout, yell obscenities in public. We ask questions like, "do you think that girl is cute?" right in front of the person in question. Today me and Ryan were saying stuff like, "excuse me, bitch" and "you're ugly" as we were walking to guy or girl. We are gonna get in trouble I know it. In Akihabara we walked all over and saw a ton of cool stores with toys and electronics. We saw these 5 girls dressed in different color dresses doing some song and choreographed thing trying to hock some merch. Eric started dancing and making the girls laugh while they were singing. I don't think their "managers" were too happy. But everyone else in the crowd thought it ruled. People are always amazed by the dancing black guy where ever we go. Shimoda told us today that Shimoda was in fact his last name! his first name is Kasekay. WTF!? At the venue you walked down some stairs and there was a small glass encased room, like a tv studio or something. That's where the bands played. The merch set up outside the glass cube. This guy named Dave from Montreal sang for the 1st band Everyone's Enemy. They covered 7 Seconds. nice. He said in Japan you have to pay to play. They had to pay $200 to play the show. FUCK! That's why M.R. wasn't getting paid. All the money they made was paying their fee. I think they might be getting ripped off by the company they booked through though. During My Revenge's set these girls started talking to me. One's name was Nariko. I guess it's a pretty common name. She lived in seattle for 8 years and LA for 2. Her friend, who's name I forgot, could barely speak English. I guess every Nariko and friend are the same way. One speaks English, the other "not so much." We talked for a bit. The night was filled with South Park voices, it's funny. After the show we came back and went to this restaurant on the main street we walk. It was upstairs. Phil and Ryan recommended it. We climbed the stairs and had to take off our shoes. The walkway between the tables were even with the tabletops and then when you got into your booth you had to take a step down and sit lower than the floor. The menu was huge. We got this raw meat. They brough out these mini grills and you cooked it yourself. I ordered a beer only to find out it was NON ALCOHOLIC. BITCH! The place was good. On the way home we stopped by 7-11 and bought some $1 saki. It was in a mason jar and had minimal labels on it. It looked a little like ole grampa's hooch, MOONSHINE! Today we got up and it was raining. suck. Today was also the first day we didn't have the van. There was another American band over and we had to share the van with them. We grabbed the merch and instruments and hit the subway to go to Shibuya. We met up with Okawa who was filling in for Shimoda. Okawa's English was not as good as Shimoda's. We walked to the club and it started pouring. Time for the umbrella game!! We've come up with different point systems. You can walk in between two people and get two at once. 50 points. You can hit an umbrella causing it to hit someone else's 100 points. No one really keeps score though. Me and Ryan attacked each other and my umbrella broke. Now I had to "find" a new one. Most corner stores have umbrella racks out front. Sometimes they will be filled up and there will only be like 3 people inside the store. So sometimes we root through the racks trying to "upgrade" our existing umbrellas. I found an umbrella against a building and grabbed it. Unfortunately the owner doesn't agree with our "grab and go" policies so I had to put it back where I found it. I found a different one though and the game commenced. Ryans new game is instead of tapping people's umbrellas, he lowers his a little underneath theirs and pushes up real hard. So not only does the rain off your umbrella gets on them, you push their umbrella to the side so that it rains on them, too. The problem though is that you practically have to assault the person... or at least the way Ryan does it. The club was so small. It was ridiculous. I thought the 1st place was small. This place is tiny. I met a kid named Masaki who was super cool, knew a lot about hardcore. We talked for a bit. The show was weird It was like Korn bands and then this No Doubt wannabe band. We took off before the last band. Afterwards we just hung out.
Tues Oct 18th
Today we got up late. We had to meet Shimoda at 3:00pm. we met at the Kiba station and went to a place between Shinjuku and Shibuya. It was nice and quaint. we saw these chicks in a coffee house and invited them out but they didn't come. We hit an internet cafe and got drinks. We also went to this Army surplus store and it had tons of stuff from WWII. We think that it may have come off some dead US soldiers. creepy. After teh show we hung out with these 2 Japanese chicks and dude. One was kinda drunk so we messed with her. She was a good sport and sang with us and stuff. We got to the subway and Eric picked up this parking cone and used it as a megaphone yelling the typical "I'm a stupid American" and such. This drunk asshole American came up and started yelling at him and Phil. Dex kinda tried to calm things down but added a little more fuel to the fire so it got pretty tense. Finally everyone just said "fuck it" and left in bad moods.
Wed Oct 19th
Today we got up kinda late, do you detect a pattern? We went to Ikebukuro to meet Shimoda. Everyone has taken to calling me Lob. When I called Nori I said, "Hey, this is Rob." and she kept saying "what? who?" then I finally said, "this is Lob!" and she said, "ooooooooooh, Lob, hi Lob" Everyone died laughing and has since called me Lob. We got to the venue and there were tons of dead animal skulls on the walls. At the sound check there were a lot of nu metal bands playing. One had no drummer or bassist. Just a DJ guy, girl singer and guitarist. One was an Evanescence wannabe type band. Everyone was kinda bummed that it wasn't a hardcore show. Me, Phil and Ryan went to some arcades. They were pretty lackluster. They all seem to be packed with DDR style games, Mech battle games, or soccer games. That or they are Pachinko. The show ended and we got asked to hang out and drink as much as we could $10. So we did. We all sat at these long tables w/ snacks. The guitarist of the no drummer band was named Yoshi. During the show Yoshi's bands merch was right near ours and he would try to talk with us the best he could. It was harder to communicate moreso because it was so loud. Yoshi would put his hand on the table palm down and take a pencil and go through his fingers as fast as he could. When he was done he would say, "SAMURAI STYLE" like Wu Tang "TIGER STYLE" During the show I was watching these kids dance and jump up and down. I thought they were jumping so hard that the floor was moving. I looked at Yoshi and put my hand on the floor and made a face like, "holy shit, the floor is gonna cave in." He put his hand on the floor and said, "oh, that? just earthquake." like it was no big deal!! We are in the basement of huge building during an earthquake and this guy is like, "eh, no big deal." So back to the after party. Everyone was really cool. We started ordering drinks on an all japanese menu. I made everyone just cover their eyes and point to something. We got many interesting drinks. After we were done hanging out we realized we were gonna miss the last train back to our neighborhood. Luckily Shimoda showed back up to help. We had to run through the station as fast as we could. It was like one of those movies where the people are running through the airport to catch their flight and it just seems like they've been running for miles. People started to give up, but we made it! and lucky for us the train stopped running at the stop RIGHT before our normal exit. So we only had to walk a few extra blocks home. Ryan and Eric are now shooting fireworks off our balcony about 7 stories up. NIGHT!! ....About 15 mins after I wrote that Eric ran into the hallway naked and Ryan started shooting fireworks at him. As he was running around two cops popped through the door to the stairs Eric dove into our apt and closed the door. They caught a brief glimpse of Erics naked black ass and couldn't help but laugh. Phil talked with them forever, or tried to talk with them. Since we really couldn't communicate they drew some picture of us shooting off fireworks but it the fireworks looked like dicks. Then they drew lines coming out of the dicks. Those wacky cops. They left us with a "be quiet" and they were on their way. ANAL FUCK!
Thurs Oct 20th
Today we slept in rather than going to Asukasha or whatever. We got on the train and met Shimoda in Shinjuku. we walked to the curb and it was like a 15 min walk to the club. It was a rad punk club called the Wall. Apparently the show was gonna be the biggest one yet. Before the show me, Phil, Ryan and Shimoda went to an Italian restaurant. It was good. We asked Shimoda about the rumored used underwear vending machines. He said if it did exist which he was almost certain it didn't it would be in the area we were in. There was a porno store near the venue so we went in. Sure enough they were selling bags of used underwear. There was a picture of a girl wearing said underwear and then the stained underwear in the bag. It was like $50 and seriously disgusting. As we walked around we asked Shimoda about all the girls in dresses that stand outside of stripclubs. We just thought they were trying to drum up business, but he said, "oh no, that one handjob only, that one blowjob, that one anything!" We asked him if he had ever gone to one and he just laughed. When we got back to the show there were a bunch of kids there. I set up merch in this booth that I had to climb into. I got a beer and made myself comfortable since I probably wasn't going to get up the whole time. One good thing about doing merch here though is that we could set up merch during soundcheck and leave it out unattended for hours and NO ONE would mess with it. People are very respectful not like shitass USA where scumfuck traveler shits try to steal shit right in front of you. I took some pics during My Revenge's set and they looked pretty good. The show went great and Spencer called me up to sing Ready to Fight. Within the first notes I had kids climbing all over me singing along. It was sick. After the show I talked to some chick named Maki. she was nice. She was 21 but looked 12. I think she thought I was hitting on her, but i wasn't. Ryan was being really annoying and kept saying, "oh he's just drunk." After the show we got on the train and ran into the other US band that Just Rock (the company M.R. used) booked here. They were some emo looking band called Saving Daylight or something. great. Shimoda taught me how to say "I puked on my dick" Chinko ni gero shitah. Now everyone yells it. I want to learn this in as many languages as I can.
Fri Oct 21st
Today we slept in again. We met Shimoda outside. Some of us were down on the curb waiting for him, while the rest of us were still upstairs getting ready. I was standing on the balcony overlooking the street while Shimoda was helping load up the back of the van. Unbeknownst to him and everyone else Spencer got in the van. While Shimoda was picking something up the van just took off forward. Spencer drove it up the street halfway and stopped. Shimoda half assedly ran after it, I never laughed so hard in my life. The show was in Koenji. The place rules. It was the same size of the place we almost got into a fight. The venue was in some sort of indoor/outdoor mall. You were walking along in the street then suddenly there was a roof over you and you were inside a mall. We walked down these stairs like we were going into the basement and there was the entrance to the venue. It was like a maze that ended up in a decent size venue. As we walked in everyone who worked there greeted us. Instead of saying hi I just said, "sick tribe, bro" to all of them as we walked past. The last guy we greeted said, "sick-o uh tribe-o" I held it in. This all chick band opened called Violence after Vacation. We watched them soundcheck. They were amazing. Finally a band I could stand to watch. VAV sounded like a weird power violence type band. We joked that they should've called their band Violence After Graduation. VAG. One of them was wearing a Slight Slappers shirt so I went to talk to them. They spoke no english, so after several failed attempts I grabbed Shimoda and made him translate. I asked them if they had any favorite American bands judging by their style I thought I would hear "Spazz" or something of the like. Shimoda asked and I heard one reply in broken English "Mars Volta and System of a Down" ha. well I guess it makes sense. Their interpretation of that style was way better than the bands mentioned. We walked around before the show and checked out some cool random stores. Ryan and Phil looked at some tattoo place and contemplated getting tattoo's. We even saw some hamburger joint that looked pretty good. Out of all the places we visited I could see myself living here. We went to a curry place. It was actually really good judging from the leftovers I got. The show was good and fun. VAV came out in crazy costumes. The drummer looked really weird. She wore these cat ears and painted her face white. Then had this light shine directly on her face while she played. She made crazy faces while she played. The singer was like 4 foot tall and was all over the place. they were tight and awesome. It was M.R.'s turn. They were in the backstage area and came out to play Eric came out shirtless with his face painted white, REVERSE BLACKFACE!! AMAZING! Across his chest we wrote "SIQ TRIBE, BRAH!" Ryan wore the cat ears and painted whiskers on his face. it was hilarious. I took a lot of pics during this show and I must say they all turned out great. After the show we went out to karaoke with some new friends, Maki, Miwa, and Hiro somethingerother. In Japan there are no karaoke bars. There are buildings with rooms you can rent out. It's like your own little lounge. Karaoke is serious business here. people use the rooms to practice or have fun with friends. All the rooms are hourly and as the night goes on it gets more expensive. We had a lot of fun and the hour flew by! When it was done we went out front and tried to figure out what to do. While we stood around figuring it out the van roared to life again! This time Shimoda sprung into action and hopped in before Spencer could take off. HA! Everyone piled in the van to go back to Kiba and Hiroghsagl;ahsg drove behind us. It was a good time, we sang the entire way back. We went to the mall near the apt, it kinda resembled the mall in Back to the Future. We had a roman candle fight and then ran down the block where we were met by the cops who promptly told us to be quiet. They really let us get away with murder here. We walked around, piled into a phone booth, yelled random obscenities at people and sat around outside the Daily Yazukima or whatever it's called, some 7-11 type place. Ryan learned how to say every dirty thing ever! Onanishtay masturbate on me.
Sun Oct 23rd
The last show was out in a semi rural area in the basement of a mall. Like a real MALL mall. We laughed at the "walk" and "do not walk" signs at crosswalks. the "walk" guy looks like he's bolting the hell out of there. We walked around before the show but nothing seemed to be happening. Everyone was getting kinda bummed that the trip was close to over. The show kinda sucked, but we did convince Shimoda to play a couple of songs on guitar during the set. He rips! he could play a lot of Metallica and he solo'd through almost the entire song. Dex sang a song and plowed through people. The last band that played was this all girl band who were trying to be rock stars or something. They were actually really talented and put on a professional show. The creepy thing was that their ENTIRE audience was comprised of men in their late 30's, 40's and 50's all cheering and dancing like little schoolgirls. Some even had their wives and kids there while they danced and reached over the stage barrier at the girls. Eric stage dove onto them. It was hilarious. We all got our picture taken together after the show and left for home. We took the tunnel under the sea so Shimoda wouldn't miss his train. When we got back me, Ryan, Pihl and Spencer went to the restaurant where you take your shoes off. We were gonna have a nice meal and enjoy our last night in Tokyo. We got a bunch of food and talked. We figured it was gonna be a quiet evening then we would get up the next day and fly home. During dinner we could hear a rowdy group on the other side of the restaurant in one of the "party" rooms. One of the rooms with a sliding door where everyone was kneeling around a table. We got up to leave and call it a night, but we had to pass by their party room first so Ryan ran up to their door and just started yelling and they responded by just yelling back. They all asked us to come join them so we came in. They were WASTED! They asked us where we were from and we told them. Everyone in the room started chanting USA! USA! Then one of the guys yelled "WE GO KARAOKE!!!" So we agreed and left the place. Phil started hitting on the only girl there. That Phil. We got out front followed by like 6 wasted Japanese dudes. They kept yelling "We caaaaaaaaaaa-raaaazyyyy!" and we would inturn yell, "YOU CRAAAAAZY!" So we started walking up the block to karaoke and acted stupid as usual. Ryan was dancing, I headbutted some steel shutters over a store window. I guess to one-up me one of the Japanese guys just took a running leap into it making a huge noise. The entire street was lined with more bikes than I've ever seen in my life. One of the guys acted like he tripped over a bike and then the next one just picked it up and launched it into the street getting the attention of the police. So we ran. The cops caught up with some of us and asked some questions leaving us with a warning. BE QUIET! They sure do like their quiet. So we walk up to this seeeeedy looking 5 story building. Neon lights and people hanging off the balcony. It looked like a brothel straight out of a movie. We all crammed into this room and we immediately started climbing on the tables and chairs. Before we knew it like 4 waitresses came into the room one after the other with trays FILLED with beers. The really drunk guy demanded we chug, and it was done. Problem was the next beer you picked up he would start chanting "CHUG CHUG CHUG" with that one as well. I started sneaking beers and drinking them halfway down and then stashing them to the side. When he would catch me picking up a beer start his chug chant I would quickly grab one of the half drunk beers and drink it down. the perfect crime. After an hour or so I was getting tired, and I was gonna sneak out. I walked into the hallway and told people I had to piss. Ryan followed me out causing some suspicion. Before I could get to the elevator the drunkest guy comes out and starts yelling, "YOU PAY!" and grabbing me. I tell him to chill out and that I would be right back. I just had to piss. yeah right. He wasn't having it. He just kept saying, "NNNO, YOU PAY!" Next thing I know EVERYONE is now in the hall in some sort of showdown. It was way tense. Even tenser because besides being drunk, these guys couldn't speak English. So all we had was a stare down. Well they had this Mexican guy with them that everyone called Mexico, and we had Dex who spoke fluent Spanish. So in Japan, in a confrontation between 5 American guys and 5 Japanese guys, two guys talked things out in Spanish. The bill came out to 50000 yen or about $500. We talked them down to us paying $120. None of us had money on us so Ryan literally ran all the way back to the apt and got money and came back. After we got the money, those guys went right back into party mode, laughing and carrying on. I was now in a bad mood and just wanted to jet. We hung out for a bit longer then we all left. Things got a little better on the walk back. everyone was being stupid again. One of Japanese guys rolled over the hood of a cab. There was this old man driving and he actually got out and ran after us...slowly, but ran nonetheless. It was like a horror movie. We would run as fast as we could for two blocks then stop and laugh and talk a little. We figured he would give up, but we would look up the block and he would be slowly running for us. So then we would run two more blocks and stop and laugh and talk, but there he was still trotting towards us. Finally he gave up. We said our goodbyes and went back to the apt where this kid Osami showed up to hang out at like 6am. He was so psyched to hang out with all of us and we were all dead tired. He didn't speak any English, but he brought his gf who translated. He stayed til about 7:30. We passed out and woke up around 9:45 to get our stuff together. We met Shimoda out front and Ren's wife showed up. Ren owns Just Rock and lives in the US. Okawa and Shimoda do all the work and get kinda screwed. So his wife was a total MANKO! While she was sternly talking to Shimoda in Japanese Ryan put the van in neutral and just started pushing it down the street. It was pretty hilarious. she was not happy, fuck her. She left and we all went to Freshness Burger one last time. We stopped by Tokyo Dress to say goodbye to Okawa then it was off to the airport. I'm gonna miss ole Shimoda, hopefully he comes to the US to hang. It was weird being on a flight that left at 6pm on Sunday from Tokyo then arrived at 4pm that same sunday in Chicago. So basically at 1pm I was in Freshness Burger AND on a plane over the US. I'm glad to be home, I'm gonna go get some American food. SAMURAI STYLE!!!!!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Sunday, September 13, 2009
European Tour Journal
This journal is from a tour I went on earlier in the year. It's sole purpose is to serve as a reminder to everyone on the tour all the good times we had; That and to entertain anyone bored enough to read it all. Ok, so it has two purposes! Lay off. I'm not a writer so any comments critiquing or criticizing this will be met with a "Cram it with walnuts, ugly." Enjoy!
Mon, 12-29-08 12pm
I flew to London out of O'Hare after hitching a ride with my friend Marissa. I got to my assigned seat, the window SCORE, and there was a younger girl sitting next to me. I was one of the last people on the plane so I was THAT asshole who gets in everyone's way hitting them with his bag when he tries to turn around. I searched the overhead compartments for some room and they were all completely filled! Great. I have an overstuffed bag and a box of records with nowhere to put them. This girl looked less than enthused to have me as a neighbor. I finally found an open space and CRAMMED my stuff in. The compartment barely closed and the entire plane ride I eyed it just waiting for it to burst open and take out an old lady. I returned to where I was supposed to sit and this girl just stared at me. After a second I said, "uh, hey that's my seat." pointing to the spot on the other side of her. She still just blankly stared at me then finally got up to let me in. I realized I forgot to get something out of my bag so I said, "oh actually you can sit back down, I forgot something." She continued to stand there staring. We now had an old fashioned Mexican stand off on our hands. I moved timidly for my bag studying her body language like a child defiantly disobeying his parents. She stood firmly. So I just said screw it and sat down. Stupid girl. I am now thoroughly annoyed. Whatever.
We took off and I watched some movies. I was taking the overnight flight and I wasn't tired in the least. Around 5am we were passing over Greenland so I opened the window shutter a bit to check it out. The sun was faintly starting to show. I thought, "Wow, I'm going to get to watch the sunrise over the Atlantic!" I excitedly watched our flight map on the monitor then the window. Monitor, window, monitor, window. On the monitor you could see all the different depths in the ocean. I could totally see them out the window. "This is so awesome. It's getting brighter. This is going to look so amazing. It must be cold because it looks like the ocean is frozen, it's not moving at all. Here comes the sun! Why isn't the ocean moving?" That's when I realized I had been staring at the tops of the clouds the entire time. IDIOT! So the sun rises and bitch wakes up. I ask her if it would be ok if I opened the shutter since it was morning now and she just smiled. So I stared and waited for an answer and that's when she said in very broken English, "I don't understand." HA! She had no idea what I was saying the entire time. This girl was aaaaaaaaalright.
We land. I exited the plane and walk almost a mile (literally) through the winding corridors of Heathrow. As I neared the end I realized I forgot one major thing, CUSTOMS! I had been so focused on meeting up with everyone that I completely forgot to get my story in order as to why I was coming to the UK. See, bands like ours usually tour without getting work visas because we're small time. We don't make that much money so why go through the hassle and time to secure a visa. It's easier just to give them some bogus story about backpacking or meeting family and hope they don't search your merch bags. So my mind is racing as I hear, "NEXT!" A nice, older woman with a thick cockney accent started grilling me about my business in the UK. Besides being grossly under-prepared, I also had not slept yet so I'm totally slap happy and scatterbrained. I had absolutely no answers for her and stuttered through any I tried to give. I was just focused on trying to avoid saying I was going to be with a band on tour. "Who are you staying with?" "uuuhhhhh" "where are you going?" "uuuuhhhhhh...." To make matters worse I only knew the nickname of the guy picking us up and only had a general area as to where I was staying. When I realized I had no other options I told her I was meeting up with a friend's band going on tour. I figured I would be safe since I didn't have any equipment or merch on me. Like a mother, a British mother, she said, "I believe you, dear. Next time have all the proper information before you fly out." I would've kissed her if I didn't think I was going to be immediately tackled. I was DAMN lucky to get her, and this is why:
I got to the common area and immediately see Ryan and the dudes waiting. I dole out the hugs and am introduced to Derek, Wil, and Mez (our host.) I am informed that two of the guys got stopped at customs and haven't been seen since. They had landed over an hour before I did. So we wait and wait...and wait. 2 hours pass and nothing. No answers, no nothing. We asked anyone and everyone for answers. nothing. Everyone is getting scared that they got sent back. "Hey Rob, can you play drums?" Sounds like a repeat of the My Revenge Japan fiasco! After waiting in lines and making phone calls, Mez finally gets in touch with immigration people who say they'll look into it. They ask to see everyone in the band. "Uh oh, they know we're in a band." Since I'm technically not a band member I stayed behind and watched from a distance. I saw a lot of head shaking and pleading then tears. This is not good. The woman then closed the shutter on her window and walked away. No one moved. Either they're in disbelief or they're waiting for something. I stood about 500 ft away and watched not daring to walk over there. It didn't look good and I was beginning to freak out. What if they all get sent back?? I can't change my ticket it would be way too expensive. I started to plan my own deportation. I would need to get detained and returned to the US. It was the only way. Did I mention I hadn't slept yet?
I sat with my fingers crossed (literally) for well over an hour while chugging cough syrup straight from the bottle and looking generally haggard. If that doesn't scream suspicious I don't know what does. By the way, this cough syrup is just that SYRUP. It takes like 5 seconds for it to come out of the overturned bottle. I guess I wasn't the only one who was thinking I looked suspicious because who came strolling over to give me a warm English hello? None other than Johnny Law, err Bobby Law? As I'm getting the third degree a few other cops started to surround me, oh and one was carrying an M16 with finger on the trigger. Ole Machine Gun Mike kept staring at my pocketed hands. So I slowly pulled them from my pockets, fingers still crossed. I couldn't uncross them because in my loopy state I believed it was the only hope we had. We would be sent back for sure if I uncrossed them. His eyes were burning holes through my hands so I cracked under the pressure and uncrossed them. I told them what was up and they walked away without even a goodbye. At this point I'm starting to hallucinate from the cough syrup-syrup and lack of sleep. Wil split from the pack to walk around. I followed him like a covert agent meeting his mark. I caught up and asked what the deal was. "There's about a 90% chance we're getting sent back," he said plainly. "You mean Taylor and Zeke are getting sent back, right?" I asked. "No, all of us." "How do you know??" "Well the woman said, 'you are going to be sent back.'" She had taken their passports, but after much persuasion by Phil agreed to check one last time with her supervisor to see if there was anything that could be done. My stomach sank. I've been in sticky situations with Ryan and Phil before and we've always managed to get out of them somehow. I'd like to think that when we're all together we have some sort of unspoken luck. Well I guess luck was about to run out. I was in shock. I returned to my spot and resumed thoughts of my detainment and deportation while the guys sat somberly in front of the shuttered Immigration window. Another 30 mins passed and the woman emerged from a side door on the same side of the glass as the guys. Here it comes, the bad news. Before anything could be said she flashed a grin and out walked Zeke and Taylor. Phil started smiling and I wanted to yell in relief. WE PULLED IT OFF!!! She let us know that they don't take too kindly to people who lie to them. Go figure. She also said that all of their passports are now flagged for 6 months or something. I hope we don't have a problem going into any other countries.
We gather our things and get into Mez's van to begin our 4 hour trip north to Leeds. It was damn cold in London and now we're traveling due north...in a van with no heat. I managed to fall asleep for about an hour, but awoke when I couldn't feel my feet. We arrived in Leeds and it was a lot bigger than I expected. After navigating a maze of apartment buildings and streets we got to Mez's flat. The neighborhood seemed straight out of any British tv show or old album cover. The apartment is 3 floors and very compact. I love it. The stairs follow a tight spiraled hall and are steeper than a mountain. This neighborhood used to house a lot of laborers and blue collar workers. These buildings were constructed with them in mind. They were poorly ventilated and heated. These were factory workers and the like, no one really cared about their living conditions. Mez and his girlfriend, Kate, made us a vegan dinner of corn, broccoli, mashed potatoes with leeks, and something called "Toad in a Hole." It was kind of like a pigs-in-the-blanket style casserole. Many jokes ensued. It was all delicious and it was very gracious of them. I did my best to be helpful by clearing the dishes.
Afterward we got the merch ready for tomorrow then dropped in on a neighborhood pub where Mez had gone to play darts. Darts are a huge deal over there, well at least in Mez's circle of friends. It was a pretty nice joint for some reason it reminded me of a quainter Czech Center. I ordered a Kroenenberg and got 50p back in change. Since I understand the art of tipping I knew 50p was pretty weak. So I asked if he could break a larger bill for me. He looked puzzled so I said I wanted to tip him and he continued staring at me like I was speaking Chinese. I was at a loss for words. One of Mez's friends started laughing at me and said, "tip?? Well he is a good bloke and it IS Christmas time." The bartender smiled and said this will be fine and took the 50p. I asked Mez's friend if they tip in England and he said, "of course not!" God love those Brits. Someone else told me that there was already a tax on the beer (VAT Value After Tax) that takes care of the tip. Nice. The rest of the night was filled with Martian Attacks pinball. There was this deep, baritone, South Park-esque voice on the game that yelled "JACKPOT" at certain times. If you got on a roll the voice would just go crazy yelling "JACKPOT!" all over the place. So naturally we said it all night long. Last call rolled around at the late night hour of 11pm. Seriously? Apparently the majority of bars close at 11pm unless they have a different license which allows them to stay open 24 HOURS! 11pm or 24 hours! who does that? "The trick is," Mez says, "is to get as drunk as you can as fast as you can. Then we all go and fight in the streets." And the trick to not getting punched is to say you hate Manchester United. check.
Tuesday Dec 30th
I slept horribly last night. Part due to sleeping on the hard floor, part because it was TUNDRA climate. All I had to cover up with was a thin blanket that reached from my feet to my chest! I began the night wearing my hoodie with my coat over my feet for added warmth. About an hour later I woke up shivering so I had to put my coat and shoes on. UGH! I woke up every hour until about 10am. Taylor came down from the 3rd floor and we talked for a little bit while Ryan slept on the couch. I tell you one thing about Ryan and Phil they could sleep through the Apocalypse. Not so much that they're heavy sleepers just that they sleep all day long. There was a massive stack of dishes from the night before so I figured I'd be nice and do them. It seriously took me about an hour that's how many there were. Ryan finally woke and the morning was filled with our impressions of women with thick Cockney accents. "ELLO GOV'NAH" "DON'T THROW THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATH WATER" "You there! What day is today? Today, sir? Well it's CHRISTMAS DAY it is!"
Ryan, Taylor and I decided to walk around town while everyone else slept. Mez was nice enough to leave us a highlighted map of important things and smart enough to leave off where he was. He knew if we knew how to find him we would and he would regret it. We're like a traveling kindergarten sometimes. It was gray and overcast not to mention cold! Ryan wanted to use the internet so we found an internet cafe, but it was cash only. Now we had to find an ATM, there was one across the street. The exchange rate was about $1 to 1.80pound. Luckily things aren't too expensive. The internet was about a 1 Pound for a minimum of 45 mins. I used it for a second and felt rather like walking around so I took off. All I had was a 20 so I got a HANDFUL of coins in return. Stupid England. The lowest paper denomination is a 5. I think I cleaned out the register. While he was giving me my change, and cursing under his breath, I fought back my laughter... Taylor and Ryan only had 20's, too. I made my way back to Mez's apartment and Wil was happy to see me. Mez's door requires a key to lock it so if you're inside when it gets locked then you're stuck inside. I let Wil out to smoke like letting a dog out to pee. Everyone but Phil was up (he slept until 4:30pm!) They all wanted to walk around town so I went back out with them. In the window of an apartment was some cardboard cut outs of Trailer Park Boys characters. Amazing. We walked through the park and watched kids skate in a skate park. By the time we got back Mez was home. We assembled cd's while he made us curry for dinner. After that it was show time.
We went to a bar called the Pack Horse Hotel. Which apparently used to be some sort of punk rock hotel. sick. Across the street was a huge office type building, a university maybe? We set up in a small room upstairs. A few people were hanging out when we got there. Mostly punk and crusty looking dudes. As we were hanging out waiting for the show to start Taylor tried to plant the cookie on Ryan and FAILED. Thus enacting the rule that if you are discovered trying to pass the cookie you must let everyone know that you have it. There may be another penalty like you can't pass it for 24 hours or something. It'll be discussed later.
the show was underway. The first band was a 3 piece playing a thrashy UK (really?) style hardcore. They definitely had a song called "Kill Women." The chorus being the same as the title. WTF? I'm guessing it was a joke because a good portion of the crowd was female and no one said anything. The next band was the same but with male/female vocals. I couldn't help but think Nick Mardanes would be in heaven. After them was Sicko, a band with members of Vorhees. They were pretty awesome I wish I could've gotten a demo or something. This Italian band set up their merch next to ours. They brought little candles with them so when the lights got turned down during band's sets you could still see their merch. Without asking one of the band members came over and gave me some candles for our table. That was awfully nice of ya, maam. They made a big upside down cross out of theirs. hilarious. Unrestrained played next. It was the first time I've ever seen them. Who would've thought that sound could come out of Ryan's mouth. Ryan successfully overturned our merch table during the set. After them the Italian band played, Agatha. They were ok. I had more fun watching Wil and Zeke play the cookie game during their set. One of the girls looked exactly like my friend Ida. It was uncanny. When the show was over I checked out this distro next to us. It had a lot of Fashionable Idiots, Grave Mistake, and No Way records stuff. I saw Civic Progress, but no Cardiac Arrest. bummer. I asked if he would like to trade and he seemed hesitant. I showed him my CA stuff and he smiled and said of course. He said he had sold out of our record. SCORE! NOTE: He didn't sell out of Civic Progress records ;-) His name was Alex. He runs a label that starts with a Z (sorry I can't read my own chicken scratch) His friend Leo was very nice, as well. He informed me that some scenes from Clockwork Orange were filmed in the university across the street. The scenes were Alex was being "rehabilitated."
We loaded out and Wil told me had found a Simpson's themed pizzeria around the corner. I had to see this. Although the outside had Simpson pictures all over it the inside had little to do with Simpson's. Someone's getting sued! Tasty pizza though, weird sauce. When we got back to the apartment Mez, Ryan, Phil, Taylor and I walked to this co-op grocery store. Mez told us it was really easy to steal from so Ryan was psyched. Punks is punks. ha. I got some yogurt and fruit. As I was checking out Ryan was walking for the door. As he passed the security guard a huge package of Kit Kats fell out of his jacket and onto the floor. Literally IN FRONT OF the security guard. It was really tense for a second as they both looked at each other. Ryan just picked it up and kept walking out the door as if nothing happened. It was straight out of a movie. The security guard looked as if he could care less. On the walk home many jokes were made about that security guard's commitment to his job. We got back, sat around talking and playing with the "Wife Beater (a wooden hand with that etched on it) I talked to Mez about UK comedy. He didn't like Little Britain but did like the Mighty Boosh. hmmm. We did both agree to unanimous dissent that the UK the Office is better than the US version. Seriously who dissents that??? Mez went to bed and I felt bad for him. Everyone was being so loud. I can tell Kate is not digging it. He had to tell us to be quiet at one point. It sucks because I have to go to the bathroom so bad but now I can't because the toilet is next to their bedroom. That toilet could wake SPACE. Ryan keeps telling me to go flush, but I refused. So he went up there and flushed it...TWICE! DICK! So now I'm going to bed holding it. Plus, Taylor stole the cover I was planning to use. He will pay.
1-1-09
Last night, wow, just wow. Yesterday morning I woke up freezing again. I even had a heavier blanket this time. It was COLD!! I was the first awake so I cozied up to the telly with a bowl of cereal. Ryan and Taylor woke up next and joined me. We watched the Gadget Show and made fun of Brits for saying "gadgets." Mez got up and made us Beans on Toast. Ryan and Phil had it the last time they were here and had been raving about it ever since. I'm not much for beans, but it was pretty tasty. Ryan had to use the internet to book our ferry tickets so he, Mez and I went to Mez's friend's house. Two punks from New Zealand were hanging out over there. With ODB blaring in the background we talked about Pacific Rim travel. The conversation slowly became one sided. The guy wouldn't shut up for two seconds to let anyone else say anything. After a little bit it even became comical. As he was talking to me I just picked up a magazine and started reading. He kept talking. Luckily, we didn't have to stay there long. Ollie, who did the show the night before, met up with us and we all rode to Bradford for the show. It was about an hour or so away from Leeds.
We were driving through a kind of rundown part of town when we got to the club. It was called the 1 in 12 club. It was a squat set up in this sort of abandoned industrial district. Lots of old factories, warehouses, etc. I was really surprised that it was a squatted building. The inside of the club looked like any legitimate bar/club I've been to in the US. Maybe it's just me, but when I hear the word "squat" I think old building with no running water, one bathroom without a door, etc. I guess I'm not that well versed in the way of the squat. The history of the area was really exciting. I kept thinking of any movie I've seen portraying early British industrial work. You know what I'm talking about. Children with soot covered faces working 18 hour shifts. ha. The club had been open for 20 or so years. To think of all the bands that've played here! It was split into 3 levels. The first level was the show space. Open room with a big stage, bar, sound guy. The second floor was another bar with tables, darts, the bathrooms. It reminded me of a cozy neighborhood pub. You could catch a football match, have a pint, play some snooker, you know bro down with the mates! On the third floor there was a small kitchen, a row of computers for internet use, and a large library. They were making curry for the bands, but I wasn't too hungry. I was planning on getting drunk so I was feeling antsy. I guess it's because I haven't drank in about 5 months or so. Feeling restless I walked around aimlessly.
After talking with Ollie about the ridiculous price of sports tickets, I went upstairs and used the internet. This crusty punk sat down next to me and tried to use the computer. The look on his face is what I imagine a caveman would look like if he was face to face with a computer, a mix of awe and confusion. His handiwork wasn't much better. He was about one step away from open palm smacking the computer and grunting. He kept leaning over to ask me very basic things like how to highlight the URL. After interrupting me about 3 times I just asked what he was trying to do. He said he wanted to show his friend a Gluecifer video. Well I found it for him and hit play, but his friend's didn't seem to care and continued their conversations among themselves. Thinking my work was done, I went back to my business. He watched the video and made comments to me throughout the entire thing. His eyes didn't stray from the monitor, but he talked to me as though I was huddled next to him sharing the viewing experience. "Did you see that???" "That guy is a BAD ASS!" I barely glanced in his direction yet he kept talking. He even went as far as to crack open a cider and no-look pass it to me. He sat there for a second with cider in outstretched hand waiting for me to take a drink, and when I didn't he just took another drink for himself. Not looking away from the screen. It was like he was just sharing a beer with his imaginary friend. "Hi, meet my friend, Harvey." Then, again, he held it out for me to take and I kinda muttered, "nah, I'm cool," but his hand remained out and attention to the video unwavering. it was the THIRD time I figured, "eh, why not?" and took a drink. It was at this time all the annoyance I felt towards him instantly disappeared. I don't know what it was, but I went from exasperation to relaxation in 1.2 sips of cider. Now we're friends. He told me about his fight club. They train to beat fascists and nazis. Nice. I played him 86 Mentality and we agreed it was the perfect training music to beating up nazis. We talked about how he was a cider punk and how cider was as ubiquitous to Northern UK as meth is to Jefferson county. Apparently all the lager punks are down near London. His name was Davy. He was just generally a nice guy. I heard that later he even bought Wil a veggie burger. I gave him a Cardiac Arrest record and told him to look me up if he ever comes to the US. He told me he would never be allowed in our country due to past indescretions.
So this is where the night goes south. I went to the merch table to man my position, right next to the bar. SCORE! I asked the bartender what he recommended. "Cid'ah? or Lag'ah" Lager, please. What does he pass me? well none other than a Budweiser. I was a little disappointed until I read the entire label. Budweiser by Budvar. That's right the REAL Budweiser. Tasty stuff. the Sick Mormons from Holland were on the stage. They were reminiscent of early west coast punk ala TSOL but with a harder edge. Set up next to our merch was the Crucial Attack distro. It was run by a super cool guy named Niels. He was scoping out my Cardiac Arrest records and told me he sold out of all of his copies. This is the last thing my ego needs. :-) I asked him if he carried the Kangaroo press since he's from the same country as the label, and he said he had never seen it before. Geez. I gave him a few for his distro.
The night started moving really fast. My American compadres and I counted down at midnight. Wil traded his hat to a girl for a kiss. I spilled a lot of beer singing along with some band's OI! cover set. Then found myself face to face with a woman about 40 years old. She pointed to my hat (St. Louis Blues, oh yeah, that's right) and said, "I'm from there." That's all it took in my drunken state. She was now my best friend. Her name was Julia Roberts (seriously) but said everyone calls her "Pony." I sat like a kid listening to Grandpa's storytelling while Pony shared stories of the early St. Louis punk scene with me all the while feeding me drink after drink and shot after shot. I announced I had to use the bathroom, then I woke up. What do I mean? I went to the bathroom and locked myself in a bathroom stall and passed out. THAT's what I mean. The next thing i remember is being walked out of the club to the already running and loaded van. After emptying out the what remained of my lunch, I passed out for the ride home. I was awoken by the soft, gentle voice of Zeke letting me know the gameplan for bedtime. "OK, we're going to have to get up now and walk inside." I was led to the third floor. the THIRD FLOOR! I thought it was a rumor, a myth. I didn't think it actually existed since I haven't gotten to sleep up there yet. I was put into bed. A BED! next to the heater. HEAT! Man, I should get piss-steaming drunk more often!
1-2-09
We all slept really late the next day. I heard that last night after we got home the boys crashed a party down the block. They got tossed out so they stole people's shoes. Who does that?? Kate has been pretty quiet and scarce while we've been here, but today she hung out with us a little bit. I talked to her about her favorite bands. She's into a lot of awesome stuff. They made us some sort of potato/leeks soup that was delicious. I could've eaten the pot. It was a pretty uneventful evening. We went up to the Brudnell Social Club, the local watering hole. Ollie met us there. We played darts, pinball (JACKPOT) and discussed the finer points of crisps. A lot of good bands play at this particular bar. I saw a flyer for Russian Circles and was going to write something funny about Dave on there in hopes that he would see it, but the show had already passed. Afterwards we walked around outside. We saw an old movie house from the 20's and stopped by a Turkish pizza place (spelled pitza) Ollie told us that it was the first pizza place that opened in Leeds back in the 80's. He also told us about this soda that's banned outside of the UK called Iron Brew, which stains your clothes, and these candy bar things called flapjacks. We have GOT to get some of this stuff.
It was getting late and we had a long day ahead of us. We had to be up by 5am to drive to our ferry into France, but everyone was wide awake. Outside of Mez's apartment there were signs next to the gutter pipes that said "Anti-climb Paint." Ryan announced that he bets he could climb to the top. I thought it would be funny to get a picture of him climbing near the sign for the Fail blog. Derek decided to climb instead and did so with ease. We thought the sign was b.s. until Derek got down. It wasn't that the paint prevented you from climbing, it was that it stained your hands from climbing! Ollie informed us that the purpose of the Vandal Grease was to stain the hands of would be burglars so that the police could essentially catch them "red handed." I bet Derek wishes he would've told us that about 5 mins earlier. "Where were you on that one, dipshit?" We stayed up all night talking to Ollie. He did a great impression of Americans. "Gee, guys. Homerun." Brilliant. Around 5am a very grumpy Mez woke up to drive the wild bunch to France. I don't think I'd be too happy either being kept up all night and having your house wrecked. That is one thing that does annoy me about my fellow houseguests. No one seems to know basic manners of washing the dishes you use. Some of them don't even take their dishes to the sink. FUCKIN' HELL! I'm gonna train 'em right!
We drove to Dover where our ferry was departing from. It was a charming little town with a huge castle looming over it from the cliffs above. We went to a restaurant dedicated to Charlie Chaplin. Ryan got what he thought was a grilled cheese sandwich with pickles, but it turned out to be shredded cheese with some sort of pickled onion served cold. hilarious. After the customs fiasco at the airport, everyone was a little nervous about what awaited us going into France. We boarded our shuttle to the ferry and drove about 500 feet when we were stopped. A solemn looking Lurch characted in a uniform boarded and walked directly to the back of the bus where we all sat. He asked for our passports, took one look, and gave them back. And there you have it, French customs. After a relaxing ferry ride we entered France and got back on the road. We stopped at a gas station to fill up. they had this comic book about, from what I could gather, how George W. Bush is an idiot. I'm cursing myself for not buying it. Outside we heard a gunshot in the distance and some buckshot started pelting the awning above us. TIME TO GO! So now we're driving through northern France on the CORRECT side of the road :-) We made a pact with Mez that we would no longer make fun of the Brits. Now we were all united against the French. BRING ON FRANCE!
1-3-09
We arrived at the venue last night. It was a pretty small bar. In the back they had some hospitality for us. Cous cous, some sort of stew, beer, and chocolate milk. This is the first date where us English speakin' folks would be in the minority. We all dug into our dinner and chilled out. We were having communication problems so getting cups at the bar was a little difficult. Unrestrained was playing with two other bands, Utopia and Kill for Peace. Both were tough-guy-looking, chugga chugga, NYHC style bands. The venue was filled with basketball shorts and flat brims. A stark contrast to the last two shows of drunk punk crusties. Everyone greeted one another by kissing both cheeks so it was pretty hilarious to watch these huge, tattooed, tough guys kissing each other. I hadn't slept yet so I was exhausted. I was nodding off during the locals. I hope they didn't think it was because of lack of respect. I seriously couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. Unrestrained played their best set yet and blew the other bands out of the water. Kids were hardcore dancing and going off. During their set Derek accidentally got shoved and hit his head on something. He has a nasty gash behind his ear. We bandaged him up the best we could with what we had.
The bar gave us drink tickets so immediately I pounced on the non-drinkers. We all hung out and mingled. the bartender spoke some English so we talked with her for a little bit. Wil, Phil, and I played cee-lo with this dice game they had there. It was hilarious. We played in true American style: Loud, flashy, talked trash, made people blow on the dice, etc. We attracted a nice little audience. We were playing with dollars and some of the people had never seen them before. Some of the drunker members of the audience kept grabbing at them. Wil cleaned house, but gave his winnings to charity; The female onlookers. Some drunk girl kept grabbing at my cash so I gave her some change to shut her up. Around this time we were informed we would be staying IN the bar which by this point was trashed. I claimed the merch booth. I met this hipster looking guy who's English was pretty decent. He bought me some ouzo which he described to me as "what the rich people drink on holiday in Greece while their brats are playing on the beach." I hadn't had it in a very long time and I was quickly reminded why. He kept buying me drinks, some of which he went behind the bar and got himself, courtesy of "French Hospitality." I was really tired and starting to get crabby since I wanted to go to bed and there was still a bar full of people. They pulled the door shutter down and locked everyone in. It got to the point where the music had stopped and a drunk girl was still dancing on the dancefloor by herself. That's definitely one of the top 10 signs a party is over. Finally around 3am the bartender started to break it up. Two guys from Kill for Peace stayed as well trying to get everyone to drink champagne with them. I took a swig since they were very intimidating looking dudes. If Madball tells you to do something you should probably do it. TIME FOR BED! One of the dudes passed out on the floor. No pillow, no covers. tough.
We got up at 7am to make our way to Belgium to pick up the new van then continue to Amsterdam to pick up our new driver since Mez couldn't do the entire tour with us. It was really cold out and there was a layer of frost on everything. A frosted windshield and a van with no heat is not a good combination. Mez had to keep some water on hand to throw on the windshield from time to time. This is going to be fun. In Belgium we met up with Manny, the guy who was renting us the van. He invited us into his house which looked very, err um, efficient? Ha, it was actually really nice, but seemed like it should be featured in an Ikea catalog or something. Very sleek and modern. His wife offered us coffee and his sons immediately introduced themselves, shaking our hands. Very odd. Pod people. We gave his sons some cd's and they told us they had a band as well www.myspace.com/demopunk Off to Holland! It was really foggy out so the ride was boring and dull. It cleared up around Antwerp. Rural Netherlands was awesome, though. And even more awesome was Amsterdam. Canals, bikes, people, restaurants, wow. It all smelled amazing, even if there was trash everywhere. We pulled into this boarded up school and met Guus, our new driver. Inside the squat the band Waking the Dead was practicing so we watched them for a second. Ryan must've caught what I was battling because he announced he was sick and not singing tonight. I guess we'll see what happens with that. Either me or Derek will do it, I guess. Guus took us to the store to get Derek some medical supplies for his head. I saw so many things I wanted to eat. I'm making mental notes for when we return later on in tour. We said goodbye to Mez for now. I'm not sure if Guus realizes what he's got himself into. Unrestrained is a band of talkers and shit talkers. They love to annoy people, tease, poke fun, etc. Some people enjoy it, some don't. I hope he has a better sense of humor than what he's showing now because he's not going to last too long. We've only been on the road for an hour and he's already said, "I regret agreeing to do this." HA! Time will tell
Sunday 1-4
Man, last night and today were freaking amazing. We were running late to the show in Mannheim. Guus has only had his driver's license for two MONTHS. We were driving pretty slow. I think it's partially due to the fact that they have camera's to catch speeders on the freeway. everyone was tired and sleeping. I was fighting really hard to stay awake because I didn't trust Guus to stay awake. Mez is very on top of things and so far Guus is very lax. Everytime I dozed off I just thought about Cliff Burton. Metallica would still rule today if it wasn't for shitty European driving. We stopped to get coffee for Guus and I told Phil, who was sitting in the front, to start stepping on the gas pedal while Guus was driving. At this rate we'll be in Mannheim by the end of tour. We finally get there and find the venue. We pull Van Diesel, our new huge van, into the fenced in parking lot of the graffiti covered building. We didn't see an entrance except for a basment door so in true American fashion we banged on it until someone answered. Hey, it was freezing out! A guy opened the door and invited us in. We were led through a maze of graffiti covered hallways that resembled any horror movie chase scene. You couldn't help but look over your shoulder hoping that someone wasn't going to bust out of one of the many closed doors and start chasing you. Our hallway sherpa was named Litty. He was very nice and seemed to be the man in charge of the ship. He showed us our sleeping quarters. A huge, warm, dormitory style room filled with mattresses. ALL I NEED! Climbing the stairs we found ourselves in a bar/rec room like atmosphere. It was a big, open air, L shaped room with a bar on one side, a stage on the other and a dj booth in the corner. Next to the bathrooms was a record "store" room. More like a smaller room with a huge record distro set up inside. On the other side of that room was a kitchen where two women were hecticly running around preparing our dinner. Through yet another doorway was an even bigger room with another bigger stage. It was the coolest multipurpose show space I've ever seen. It's called the Juz and it's been open for over 30 years. There is even a book published about it. It's like a punk rock compound. Bands like Poison Idea have played here. I'm psyched.
There were a handful of people hanging out getting things ready. Litty spoke English perfectly, but after France we assumed that no one else probably did. Wil got out a video camera and began narrating. I followed him into the kitchen to get a peep at what we were getting for dinner. Wil announced to the camera, "Here we have two German babes making us food." Both girls shot him a nasty look and one said, "Do NOT call me babe!!!" Wil's face went white. ha. I was feeling kinda crappy and didn't feel like talking much so I just wandered around and checked out the records for sale. No Cardiac Arrest :-( Phil and I were battling it out on the foosball table when they finished dinner so by the time the game ended the guys had killed a lot of the food. We had some vegan bbq meat with veggies and bread. Bread seems to be a large part of every meal here. Everything was delicious. I wish I could've gotten seconds. The show went well. Unrestrained was the only band that played and Ryan was sick. Some of the people don't seem to psyched that they played such a short set. I sold a few cd's and decided to give Litty some CA records for his distro. I told him it was my band and he gave me a weird look and said, "really? I've already sold this 25 times." WOW! He yelled at his friend in German and gestured at me and I got a smile and a thumbs up. Sweet, maybe we can get over here at some point.
When the show ended the dj booth started blaring music and the entire show turned into a techno party. Everything at the bar was free for the band so I got to try a bunch of different beers that would've cost me a lot of money in the US. This is gonna be a good night. I hit the dance floor for a hot second with the band. Those dudes loooooooove to dance. Phil gravitated towards the nearest female per usual. :-) So now when we see it happening we all say, "like a moth to a flame." Sometimes we even place bets when arrive at the venue as to which girl he is going to go after. Good ole, Phil. He's such a friendly guy. Writing this it makes him sound like some turdy frat boy, but it is such the complete opposite. It's so innocent and cute, you just gotta say, "awww." I started to get a good buzz going so I tracked down Litty so we could nerd it about hardcore. We talked downstairs about Europe, show's he's booked, and mutual people we know. Great guy. We went back upstairs and I talked to some guy about politics and collected my gold medal in foosball. Litty's girlfriend Karen and I killed everyone who stepped up. She's a fun drunk. Definitely reminds me of my friend Jenny, at some point you're going to get punched. I guess it's a German thing. I told her that when American's hear Germany all they think of is discotheques and Sprockets. She yelled NO and punched me. Go figure. We gave her shit about how loud and in-your-face she was, too. We said "French girls" and we did an impression of a provacative girl "Oooh la la." Then "German girls" and in a deep voice we said, "KISS ME!" and forcibly grabbed one another. She got a kick out of it. Taylor and I consecutively beat the crap out of these 14 year old girls. BRING IT, GERMANY! I'll take on ANY 14 year old girl you have to offer! I have to give it up to them though. They were really good and the games were usually pretty close. The crowd died out and Phil and I ended the night takling to some really drunk skinhead. He didn't speak English too well so I had no idea if the conversation was sketchy or not. I just said, "yeah" and nodded a lot. He was probably telling me he was a fascist and asking if I was as well. ha. I've found myself speaking more clearly and using more proper English. Most people speak English, but their slang isn't always up to par.
We woke up very late, but we had a day off since Munich fell through. Suckfest, I really wanted to see it. Oh well, today more than made up for it. Around 5pm we drove to Heidelberg with Litty, Karen, and Jochen to see a castle. Heidelberg was a gorgeous, classic German city. Classic in the sense of traditional. It was like pictures you would see of it in the 1700's come to life. Nothing had changed not ever the streets. Especially the streets. They were narrow and snaked up the side of the mountainous hillside. Being in a huge van sucked. Guus definitely earned his license today. We were treated to a Litty tour. Fortunately they weren't charging money today. He said normally what we were doing would cost a lot of money. He told me of how the people of Heidelberg were devastated when Hitler ordered all the bridges in Germany destroyed to prevent the Allies from advancing on Berlin. The oldest bridge in Heidelberg had survived many centuries and was destroyed after much pleading to spare it. The city might've been destroyed as well if American's hadn't loved it so much. Today a lot of American military still live there. The second the war ended the bridge was rebuilt. There was some sort of celebration of the anniversary coming up soon. He noted that nowhere did it mention the war or the fact that it was destroyed because of it. Kind of a "nuts to you, Hitler!" I think the point of his story was to convey that the people did not want to be involved with the war. They were so far removed from the fighting and so clueless as to what was going on in Berlin. They were just trying to live their lives. The people we've met make it very clear that they are not fascists and that they hate fascists. I guess if all your life you hear skewed views and generalizations/stereotypes of your people you probably tend to overcompensate. Way to blow it, Hitler! The view of the city from the castle terrace is breathtaking almost surreal. Inside there was the biggest wine cask I've ever seen. There were stairs around it so you could climb on top! I was so busy snapping pictures that I half heartedly listened to Litty's history tour. When I asked him a question about something he had already talked about I was usually greeted with an annoyed, sarcastic answer. That's when I recalled something Mez told us one of the first nights we were here. With a subtle smile on his face he said, "Just wait until you get to Germany." No one really knew what he was talking about, now we do! We poked fun at Mez so much he knew we were going to get it back tenfold from Litty. Litty is very knowledgable, direct and very sarcastic. He likes to tease people. Sometimes we don't know if he's being serious. The trick to handling Litty is to be just as sarcastic with him as he is with you. Everyone figured this out, but Wil, or maybe Litty just gives Wil more shit than anyone else. Yeah, i think that's it. I guess he can smell the Jew on him. WHAT?? TOO SOON?? ha. Sometimes Litty seems annoyed by our ways. I used my debit card at the gas station and he went on a rant about the recklessness of our American spending. He has a very strong personality that might be hard for some to handle, but I get along with him just fine. One thing I really like about Litty is the love he has for his city.
We drove back to Mannheim the scenic route. We were all tired and hungry. We went to an anti-fascist collective's Sunday dinner. It was in a Turkish part of town. It looked a little rough, a lot of people standing around watching everyone else. Litty lived right around the corner and asked if I wanted to see his record collection and maybe buy some. Records, food, records, food. yep, Records. By the time we got back everyone was patting their full stomachs. We paid 2.50 Euro for their buffet that consisted of two large pots of soup, ginger carrot and potato. There was also bread, of course. Litty brought some homemade, stinky cheese to add for flavoring. The pungency of it was addictive. Everything was very good, but I'd have to say the potato soup beat everything. Unfortunately there was only maybe one bowlful left in the pot when we got there. Litty informed us that if we were to pee standing up in this place they would kill us. He said that it was very rude to pee while standing and that goes for all of Europe not just Mannheim. We thought he was joking, but our laughs were met with a stern look. I guess that's why I got that dirty look in France! ha. After dinner we came back to the Juz and briefly hung out with Litty and Karen. There was this skinhead guy named Ralph hanging out using the internet. He looked like the meanest guy ever, but was actually very nice. He was wearing a beige trenchcoat so I kept referring to him as Inspector Skin. We said our goodbyes and took the reins. We are now lounging around eating bread and spread. I'm kicking ass and taking names at foosball. One of the Germans definitely just farted and said, "Welcome to the REAL German gas chamber!"
Tues 1-6-09
Oh man, another crazy entry. This is the No Sleep tour. Everyday I average about 3-4 hours a night then I don't sleep in the van because I'm so worried I'm going to miss something cool. Even as I write this I occasionally stop and look out the window. So last night after I stopped writing Wil and I stayed up late talking and washing dishes. Around 2am two guys walked in and gave us a look like, "who the hell are you and what are you doing here?" I explained as best I could that we were a band on tour. They went about their business and we went about ours. As they sat across the room from us in their own world I used the computer and talked to Wil. Suddenly I realized they were gone. Before I could say anything they reappeared carrying large, fake swords and shields. NO WAY! They began to LARP. Without missing a beat, I turned on "Blackened" by Metallica and cranked the volume to 11. It was like the soundtrack to an action movie. Wil tried his hand with a sword and was quickly defeated. I went to bed late and got up really early. All we had for breakfast was jam and nutella. YUM! It was snowing out so that would surely slow our roll. As I was getting some water one of the German LARPers walked in with a snowball and acted like he was going to hit me with it. I laughed and mimed that he should throw it at everyone gathered around Derek who was using the computer across the room. I figured he was just going to hit Ryan who was standing off to the side of everyone. He lightly tossed the snowball and it hits Derek DIRECTLY in the face. It was like in the Three Stooges when someone gets hit in the face with a pie and they slowly wipe it from their eyes. Everyone was stunned including the German. Derek, who woke up with Ryan's sickness, was less than enthused. As we all stood there with mouth's agape, Derek approached the German and dumped apple juice on him. Luckily all was forgiven immediately after that. Seriously though, I was using every ounce of my being to hold back the laughter. Sorry, Derek. :-)
Today we were heading to Vienna. PSYCHED! Since it was snowing this was going to be a long drive... and it was. We got into Vienna and I was in awe. It was so cool. A massive metropolitan area that was gorgeous. Lights, restaurants, people, architecture, a palace, wow. I could definitely move to Vienna. There were little food kiosks on every corner. We drove through the red light district to get to the venue. We were supposed to be there by 7:30 and it was only 6 so the venue was still locked. Wil and I walked around. The cobblestone type streets were littered with trolley rails. Christmas decorations were hung everywhere. It only added to the already amazing atmosphere. Christmas time in Vienna. There were a lot of gambling, "interactive games" places. We got back to the venue and the promoter was waiting with Guus. He said the venue owner was not there yet. I immediately got a bad feeling. The fact that the promoter looked 15 years old and had his dad drive him to the show didn't help that feeling either. After about 45 mins those bad feelings became reality. The show was not happening due to communication issues, I guess. We didn't know what to think of Sebastian the promoter. He was very apologetic and looked VERY nervous. I'd be, too, if you had 8 dudes staring daggers at you. Oh well, mistakes happen. The band that got us on the show, Rush 'n Attack, was not there yet so we called them to break the news. After briefly trying to move the show somewhere we accepted our fate. At least we had a place to stay and Sebastian was still feeding us. We were staying with his parents about 20 mins away in the suburbs. The house was very large and very nice. Heated marble floors, wow. We ate great stir fry stuff and drank some beers. Rush 'n Attack finally showed up. We did the best we could to restrain ourselves from eating all the food. Earlier in the day I taught everyone fun (annoying) games to play in the van to torture one another. If you've ever read one of my other tour journals before you already know where this is going. I taught them black magic and the stick game. We tortured one another much to the annoyance of the Euro's. Sebastian gave us a jar of chocolates. They were reduced to a pile of wrappers in no time flat courtesy of Zeke.
After warming ourselves for a little while we decided to face the cold and go out on the town. We hopped on the subway to go back to the city. Sebastian was pretty drunk at this point swaying back and forth during the ride. Ryan asked him on a scale of 1 to 10 how drunk he was, Sebastian replied, "2." I'd say we're at about a 6. We left the station with Sebastian, who we know refer to as anything that begins with an "S," leading the way. We walked along the river in the bitter cold taking many wrong turns. "I think it's this way." walks us half a mile, stops, says, "no, it's THAT way." Taylor is getting more and more irritated by the minute. Our slurring, staggering host finally led us to this weird bar/disco. The disco half was 5 Euros so we hung out in the bar half for a very short period of time and decided to go somewhere else. Seabiscuit drunkenly tried to exit through a door with an alarm causing everyone to put their hands over their faces and quickly, embarrasingly walk in the opposite direction of him. We walked to a food stand where I got a sausage and Ryan got pizza. Both were really good. The man also let me try a piece of this meat that was half pork and half horse with cheese in it. Needless to say I wouldn't be ordering the full sandwich.
We went to some bar that seemed like a sports bar. Some of Stuttgart's friends were there. It was really packed and we were all feeling pretty antisocial, everyone, that is, but Wil! He met this girl that we now refer to as "Bunk in the Bunk" or "Detroit." "Bunk in the Bunk" because she said she was fat and Wil told her he liked a girl with a little junk in the trunk to which she replied, "Bunk in the bunk?" And "Detroit" due to her insistance on visiting "beautiful Detroit." We were apparently the first Americans she has ever met and probably the last ones she'll ever want to talk with. Wil gabbed with her all night. There was another girl who was friends with Scud Missile that was digging on Wil as well. At one point both girls had a serious discussion as to who was going to get him. All the while Sheiser was hitting on anything within arms length. I talked with his friend through him because she didn't speak English. She kept insisting I say to her, "Hello, Schunnen Frau" which means "Hello, beautiful girl." She asked my age and I asked hers. "19, huh? Well it was good talking to you, peace." It was now 4am and we were out the door. Bunk in the Bunk won the preliminaries in the Wil Olympics now let's see what she can do in the drama competition. Well she got the gold! The entire night something seemed odd with her. Different guys seemed to be trying to pull her away from our table. We found out they were all ex-boyfriend's friends and he was there.
So as we're leaving Drunkmeister G comes at Bunk in the Bunk and is furious. Phil and Derek calmly try to get him to leave. Yep, nope. Next thing I know everyone's swinging. I quickly look at his friend and he returns my look of "are we supposed to fight??" In that split second we both knew we didn't want to fight so he started apologizing to me for his friend. I laughed and told him it was ok that it happens. The jilted lover gets a good shot in on someone so I tackled him to the ground as everyone else joins in. The pile is sorted and we move on after we hear the cops are on their way. We don't even get 50 ft before Romeo comes running for round 2. Scuffles ensue and we move on again. Another 50 ft and the bell rings for round 3. Austrian Andy comes out of nowhere and hits someone and everyone goes at him again. Now it's just getting annoying. He's well bloodied and his new friend, who is wearing some sort of shower cap, looks at me and rolls his eyes conveying his annoyance. I return the gesture. Taylor, at his irritated breaking point, snaps and breaks a bottle intent on ending the fight once and for all. We stop Taylor and I run up and start pulling people off of Fighty as Ryan holds him in a headlock. Seeing a bunch of American's beat up on a local 6 passerby's kick a bottle towards us and approach. Now we got a problem on our hands. Everyone starts yelling at Slumlord to tell them what's going on and save us from getting jumped. Luckily they understand and walk away. Everyone is now catering to Detroit and trying to comfort her. I'm over it. I told them that she probably get into fights every weekend with this guy. Everything gets sorted out and we hop on the next bus home. Well the ride took longer than expected due to switching busses and a trolley engineer that decided he didn't want to go any further. We had to sit in the cold until service resumed at 5am which wasn't too far off. That night I ended up sleeping on a beanbag chair since there was no room anywhere else in the house. The next morning Saginaw's dad took the guys to some sketchy trainyard where he filled up the van with a gas pump he had in a warehouse. Sebastian is a really nice kid and he really went out of the way to help us out. Sucks there was no show, but oh well he gave us some stories to tell. OFF TO BUDAPEST!
1-7
I got a schnitzel sandwich at a gas station cafe. yum. Hungary is very scenic. As we got closer to Budapest we saw tons of shanty towns that resembled Borat's village. It's very industrial and dirty. We got into the city at dusk. It was REALLY busy, cars everywhere. Tons of advertisements, people, drab colors, kinda dirty. Still it was amazing. We came to the Danube river. I wasn't aware that it was kind of a natural divider between the rich half of town and the poor. Crossing the river was indescribable! On one side of the bridge sat a huge statue carved into the side of the cliffs. On the other side was a church that was so old that it was probably where Jesus had his first Communion. We got a little lost in a sketchy alley, but soon found our way. It was a basement bar, really cozy. the walls were lined with broken drum cymbals and football jerseys. The promoters brought us food which was essentially vegan hamburger helper. It was so basic, yet so tasty. Rice, corn, and soy sausage. They also brought cookies, candy, and cake. This girl Anna made the desserts. Her cake could bring a grown man to tears. That's how good it was. It was very moist, chocolate-y yet not, and had some sort of jelly middle. I raved about it all night. She was probably like, "geez, it's just cake." This was the first show that I was so stuffed I could barely move. This was also our first Eastern European show. Everyone was kind of edgy from all the theft stories we heard from other touring bands who've come to Budapest. Things looked sketchy for sure, but it was great to get out of USA pt 2. A lot of the time we spent in Germany and other places felt no different than being in America. This was the stuff I wanted to see!
Guus and I walked around for a little bit. He was very scared of Eastern Europe police. He says they're all corrupt and will hassle you for bribes. He also advised me to hide my camera. We walked to this small subway station that doubled as a makeshift market place. Behind it was a huge sports arena. It was freezing out so I had my coat zipped all the way up, my hat pulled low and my hood over it. I was walking very huddled, too. I look like a hobo; Unshaven with paint on my pants and coat. Oh I didn't tell you about that? Well, in Mannheim the morning after the show they decided to spot paint the walls and bar area. Unaware of this I fell victim. So yeah I look like a shady character for sure. I went to this stand where they were slow rolling bread over coals then coating it in cinnamon and sugar among other things. I must have this. I didn't have any Florints though, which is the currency of Budapest. We walked towards the arena through a gate, but were told it was closed. As we walked back I noticed a guy in camoflauge pants tucked into combat boots. Suddenly Guus started running and yelling at me to take my hood off. I was confused so it took a second for what he was saying to register. I thought we were about to get arrested so I dropped my hood and ran after him. I caught up with him and he told me that the guy in the camo pants was watching me and looked like a nazi. He also said the way I was dressed made me look like an anti-fascist. He didn't know if it was the same in Budapest, but in Germany the anti-fascists keep a low profile. They pull their hats low and keep their faces covered so cameras can't identify them. They also like to throw paint bombs. paint, you say? Well it just so happens I'm covered in it! Great... Well we weren't being followed so that put us at ease a little. We got back to the venue and I told the guys what happened. We were told that right wing fascism is a problem in Budapest.
People begin arriving for the show and packed the house. The sound guy was this crazy looking guy with a shirt wrapped around his head. He looked like his name should be Bilo. So all night long Ryan and I would say in a Borat-esque accent, "This is Bilo, he wear shirt for hat, he is retard." The show went amazing, but people didn't seem into Ryan's antics. He punched himself during their set and got a bloody nose. They made him clean the blood off the floor. I guess that's not such a crazy request. I talked to this older guy who was visiting from Australia. He said he married a Hungarian girl and visits a couple of times a year. He had his brother-in-law with him who oddly enough looked like a shorter, fatter version of him. I came up with this song about them on the spot. "We are the Hungarian Twins, *in a high pitched voice* I got fat, *in a deep voice* I stayed thin, If you ask we'll sing agaaaaaaain, We're the twins Hungarian!"
Again we were staying in a suburban area outside of the city. I was bummed out that I didn't get that dessert which I found out was called Langhouse or something like that. We followed this kid to his parents vacation house. I was envisioning a wooden cabin with bear skin rugs, cozy decor, complete with musket hanging over a raging fireplace. We got there and it was a very nice condo not unlike Sebastians house. There were 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. It was so nice and we were all excited that there was a bed for everyone not to mention a surplus of blankets. There was only one problem though. The heat didn't work! Unless you wanted to catch pnemonia in a cold shower, we were going to bed stinky. One of the bath's had a bide. Many jokes about Bilo's waterbowl followed. This morning we drove to the nice part of Budapest to find a music store for some guitar tuners. I asked every person I saw about the dessert that got away. I did my best to describe it to anyone who would listen in hopes they could point me in the right direction. NOTHING! I had a 5 min conversation with a guy who thought I was either propositioning him or looking for drugs. "I need it, maaaaan. the good stuff!" Soon we would exchange our money back to Euro's and all hope would be lost. We bought some cough syrup because the sickness wasn't going to stop until it got us all. After walking around for a couple of hours we exchanged our money. I felt defeat. On our ride out of town we were close to the area where the show was the night before. I sighed and said my goodbye. Guus said we would actually be passing the stand so I asked if we could stop. It was my final hurrah! I was going to try to buy it with Euro's. Language barrier or not, we're gonna do this! Phil and I set out on a mission. The people at the stand stood strong on their Florint only policy. Strike 1. So we asked other stands in the area if any of them could possibly trade us for Euro's. Most just laughed at us. Strike 2. We were pointed into this underground mall area. There was a post office so we got in line. It took ages and I was getting desperate. I left Phil in line and quickly looked for a backup plan. I saw a coffee stand and decided to try my luck. Maybe it was my dashing good looks, maybe it was the puppy dog helplessness in my eyes, or maybe it was the fact that I looked like I crawled out of the sewer and was hassling someone in a language they didn't understand, but I got my Euro's. SUCCESS! I ran to Phil like a kid who just fanagled another $5 out of his mom at the arcade. We ran to the stand and opted for the cinnamon then trucked it back to the van to enjoy the spoils of our labor. Victory is delicious.
There is no highway to Banska Bystrica, Slovakia so we have to take backwoods mountain roads. I'm so excited I get to see the countryside this way. Highways are usually so sterile and lacking in personality. Everything is beautiful, but the cop threat is scary as hell. People keep flashing their lights at us and we don't know why. We entered Slovakia through an abandoned, Communist border checkpoint. The winding roads have taken a winter beating. Every few miles we enter another small village town. They all are beginning to look alike. Lots of buildings are abandoned or in complete disrepair. Phil and I were talking relationships and found out we're pretty simliar dudes. We've been through a lot of the same situations. We discussed wanting your significant other to be happy and how you hope they'd want the same for you regardless of whether what you're doing makes them happy. Being in a band and touring is hard on relationships sometimes. I enjoy touring on occasion, but it's very hard when your girlfriend hates it. I hope that someday I can meet someone who would want to come with me and we could experience these things together, or at least wish me the best and be happy for me for having opportunities like these. Maybe all that's selfish, but whatever. I wish I could just date Phil and cut out the middle man. ha. There is one thing I've forgotten to write about and that is everyone's common enemy. GAS WATER aka MINERAL WATER! Most times when we are fed at the club there is a ton of bottled water left for us. Nothing is more refreshing than a nice cold bottle of water when you're thirsty so when you uncap it and you hear "PSSSSSH" it really bums you out. Carbonated water is NOT refreshing. So gas water, bubble water, fizzy water, whatever it is you want to be called, you can eat it. UGH. Well soon enough we'll be in Prague with my people!!
1-9
Well we've reached the 3rd and final pair of pants for tour! Tonight was fun, but chill. We got into Banska Bystrica close to dusk. It looked like a small Colorado ski town. We arrived at the venue which was plainly called "The Irish Bar." The promoter wasn't showing up for another hour. So we checked out some local shops. Nothing too spectacular. Everything was so cheap! We stopped in a bakery and got some ridiculously good looking desserts. We referred to one of them as the dick, I'm sure you can guess why. After biting into I got an even bigger surprise, a thick, cream colored liqueur shot out all over my chin. Everyone died laughing. I can't make this stuff up. The desserts weren't too good. Don't believe the hype. The inside of the venue looked really cool. This distinctive style of artwork covered the walls. It was kind of like old Italian cartoons from the 60's. Mr. Rossi anyone? There was a haze of smoke, it sucked. It was like being in Mangia on a Saturday night. There were tons of people there, lots of kids. They all looked 15 and dressed like they shopped at Hot Topic. They were all drinking, too. There is no way any of these kids are of legal drinking age. The promoter was going to buy us pizza so we were all psyched, but then the vegan's complained that the dough wasn't vegan. So we ended up with rice and veggies. It was good, but it was no pizza. Stupid vegans. The bar staff seemed like assholes. I ordered a beer and got ignored. I figured maybe it was because I was either mispronouncing it or she didn't hear me. So I nicely pointed to the one I wanted and repeated it. She just ignored me. Then this woman, who was sitting at the bar,looked at the bartender and repeated what I said and the bartender went and got it for me. whatever. I thought that maybe it was just me until Wil came over and complained about the same thing happening to him. Later on in the night they just flat out refused to serve us anymore. Apparently they hate Americans.
The Slovakian currency was phased out a week ago in favor of the Euro so the menu still had everything listed in Korunas. There was a lot of talk about the current gas situation. Russia has cut gas service to the Ukraine. Currently a lot of Eastern Europe is using public reserves and those are projected to last only a couple more weeks. This could very well start a war. Scary times 'round these parts. I set up the merch on this old sewing maching table in the back of the venue. I originally set up on a table in the corner, but was rudely told it was reserved for VIPs. A little while later the VIP table filled up with middle aged guys who looked like they should've played hockey circa 1984. There was a table of young couples to their left. The main band playing was called Time of My Life. I talked with the singer for a little bit. He was very self conscious of his English even though he spoke it perfectly. He even asked me to read his lyrics to make sure they read well and made sense. They were very good and comprehensible, probably moreso than mine, ha. He was really laid back. I told him my heritage was Czech and he laughed and said, "oh, you Americans." and proceeded to make fun of American's who claim, "I'm 1/2 this or that." I told him my last name and he smiled and said, "AH, RU-ZEETCH-KA!" He said there was a very famous actress in the Czech Republic named Ruzicka-ova. She was very fat and in many comedies.... go figure. "Ova" gets added on the end of people's names to differentiate male and female. Back in the day it also referred to someone's marital status. He said that there is now a language barrier between the Czechs and Slovakians. He was old enough to speak both languages, but the kids nowadays can't understand their neighboring country even though the language is very similar. Weird. I was told of all the hockey rivalries between Slovakia and the Czech Republic. No one goes to games because the hooligans are so bad. I spent a good amount of time trying to pronounce my name like he did. He laughed and told me to take the hot potato out of my mouth. Guus told me that he meant I was speaking like I was better than everyone. I should speak like the commonfolk and get off my high horse. ha. I just couldn't pronounce it like he did!
The show went great, tons of people were there. The couples' table dispersed and all the boyfriends went home. All the girls now moved to the hockey hair table and were letting the lecherous old men fondle them. It was insane. One of the hockey hair's move of choice was to wave a Euro in their faces and then reach into their shirt and place it in their bra. I couldn't believe these young girls hanging all over these creeps especially since not 30 mins before they were making googley eyes at their boyfriends. When the show was done a few people bought stuff including a CA 7in, probably because I pointed to the guy's Casualties patch then to the record. Two girls from the VIP table wanted to buy a shirt so we started talking. One spoke English better than the other. The one who spoke the least English looked older than the other by like 6 years. So we tried to have a conversation. It was pretty hard and sentences usually were just abandoned all together in exchange for hand gestures and pantomime. I asked why the girls were hanging all over the VIP table. My guess was that they played professional sports or something. Phil thought it was maybe the owner of the bar. They answered yes to both questions, I'm not sure they understood. They finally just said "alcoholics" and we left it at that. Phil found out later that they were just taking advantage of the old men for free drinks and cash. I asked little English her age and she said 16. THANKS FOLKS FOR COMING. I'M OUT!
At this time some old man probably in his late 60's started talking to me. His English was broken, but I could still understand. I thought he might be homeless because earlier I watched him eat our leftovers and pick up half empty beers off tables. First thing he says to me is, "St. Louis Blues." This is a conversation I can get into. He then said, "San Jose Sharks," and scrunched up his nose like he smelled something bad. He told me he lived in England years ago and had heard many great things about my city. We talked about the NHL and he asked the correct pronunciation of "Chicago." When I told him he was so excited to share his new found knowledge with his friends when he got home. He was a very endearing old man and honestly talking to him was the highlight of my entire evening. His name was Jon pronounced Yon. I said goodbye to him and he told me it was a great pleasure talking to me even if the feeling was not mutual. I assured him that it was and shook his hand. For some reason I started thinking about the fact that I will never see this man again. He could die next week and I would never know. depressing.
We were staying with the Scottish version of Rick Ta Life. Long dreads, covered in tattoo's. He went by "G." He was very nice and hospitable. His apartment was about 30 seconds from the venue. I was tired and ready to go to bed. I didn't have anymore energy to put into conversations. The thought of having to pay close attention to someone to make sure I understood correctly and vice versa did not sound appealing to me. G still had a few more things to do at the venue so we had to wait. I was sitting with Guus and Zeke and some big guy with long hair came over and started cracking jokes to us. His English was pretty decent, but he was wasted. He kept telling us how shitty Banska is. After a minute he walked away and returned with two women as if he was giving them to us as a sacrifice. One of them looked like my friend Clare from Chicago. She was very sarcastic and funny. Her name was Bea. She sat down next to me and began to talk to me in Slovak. I answered her in English pretending like i knew what she was saying. She told me in English that she asked me, "Do you like being in Slovakia?" I responded, "yes." Then she asked, "Would you like to stay in Banska Bystrica longer?" and I said, "ooh noooooo." then she asked, "Do you understand what I'm saying to you?" and I said, "oh yes." ha. We discussed how she felt about Americans since we obviously weren't liked by some other people in the bar. She said that if World War III broke out between Russia and the US, she would align herself with Russia. Even after Russia refused to give them gas and tons of people died because of the cold. Wow, that's some loyalty. Someone played Thriller on the jukebox and she jumped on top of a table to dance. I was forced up there with her. She was only 21, but looked much older. After the song ended it was time to leave. I gave her a hug goodbye and she said, "OH an American hug and a big American smile." I guess she's used to getting the Slovakian Slap. Guus has been bummed out the entire tour because he can't drink since he's the driver. Someone bought him a shot tonight and he was so conflicted. We were only driving 2 blocks to the apartment and it WAS just a shot. He ended up not drinking it and lucky him. We got stopped at a checkpoint 1 block away and they made him blow. PHEW.
the next morning Guus, Taylor, Phil and myself walked around town. I was snapping photos while they were in a coffeehouse and I saw a news crew walking around interviewing people. They were traveling in the direction of the coffeehouse so I ran ahead of them to get the guys in hopes that we would get interviewed. As we turned the corner from the cafe we were face to face with cameraman and woman reporter. She rattled off a long question in Slovak to Phil then pointed the mic at him awaiting his response. He paused and said, "I only speak English." The reporter kind of laughed and they moved on. We were really hoping we could've slapped a fake moustache on Zeke and have someone act like his brother. "This is my brother Bilo. Bilo, how you feel about the gas situation?" "It's coooooooooooooold." "Bilo how does snow feel?" "It's cooooooooooooold." We left for Zlin, Czech Republic a little later than we wanted. The drive was filled with picturesque mountain towns and gorgeous scenery. There is no major highway to Zlin and the roads were still covered in snow. The narrow roads winded up and down these monster hills. Some parts were so tree covered it felt as though we were driving through a tunnel. We were playing outside of Zlin at a neighborhood bar. When we entered there was a table of 4 old guys that looked up at us from their beers. One of them rose from his seat and gave us all a nightlife guide. Ah, the Zlin welcoming committee. They were playing English speaking tv so we sat around watching, waiting for the promoter to show up. We had another amazing vegan meal. It was like vegan goulash with a tasty poppyseed type corn bread. I could not stop eating it. It was so good. Definitely in my top 3 of meals we've eaten on tour. The show was pretty uneventful and i almost got left behind when I discovered the NHL network on the tv. Back in the van I admitted to the guys that after we ate I went back to the food, got a fork and ate directly out of the crockpot while watching the door making sure no one caught me. Ultimate fat guy move. I felt better when others admitted they did the same thing. It was THAT good!
we are staying with two very nice guys. As we settled in and got to know our hosts we found out they are political extremists. One of them was more intense than the other. The more intense one was Communist, hated smoking, drinking and ignorance. He also trained everyday to kill Nazis. He told us he will never be allowed in the US because he is a violent extremist who's committed many crimes. Guus asked if he could drink a beer and he told him if he wanted to drink he would have to do it in the van. He told us about fire-bombing, getting stabbed, everything. It was crazy. He told us how his friends unloaded their AK-47's into a nazi sitting in his car. He just laughed and said it was his preferred method. There are weapons laying all over the apartment, mostly brass knuckles and fighting paraphenalia. I'm a little uncomfortable since he told us not to take his picture because if people found him they would kill him. I was waiting for a molotov cocktail to fly through the bedroom window at any moment. This is real! This isn't like in the US where nazis show up and you confront them and chase them out. These guys kill them. This is everyday life. They train and hunt them down and kill them. He told us about how his great grandfather was a soviet soldier and hanged one of the Gestapo in his hometown in the town square. He was very proud of his grandfather. Feeling uneasy I chose to sleep in his roommates room. This guy was a lot more chill than Mr. Intense. We watched MTV and talked about indie rock. He also taught me a few choice phrases in Czech. Prague tomorrow, I CAN'T WAIT!!
1-10
I'm writing this en route to Lichenstein via Prague. We are running pretty late. Prague was everything I hoped it to be. I am satisfied. I would love to come back someday. We got into Prague as the sun was setting after a scenic drive from Zlin. As we entered the city I was a little disappointed. The part we first encountered was pretty dumpy. I didn't realize that the main area of the city was on the opposite side of a mountain. We drove through a few tunnels and then BAM! There it was. Amazingcorelessnessity. We found the venue, but were too early. I took the first opportunity I got to get out of the van and walk around. We were in a very old part of town almost medieval. There was a huge, gothic looking cathedral ominously looming in the distance. It seemed to sit above everything else maybe as a reminder to all the God-fearing folk in the city below that a vengeful God was watching your every move. Spooky. There was a castle and so much history around us. We snapped some photos and got back in the van to cruise around a bit. We took a few wrong turns, but i wasn't complaining. It was just an opportunity for me to see more of the landscape. We passed by a park and through the trees in the distance I could see parts of the city center. I told Guus to stop and let me out. It was the coldest weather we've experienced so far, but I didn't care. I have to capitalize on every chance I get to see more. Plus there seemed to be a little tension in the van, something about someone eating someone else's chocolate bar. Who cares? PRAGUE!
I invited any other person hungry for more sightseeing to join me, but they all declined so I set out all by my lonesome. I walked through the serene, snow covered park watching all the people enjoying the cold weather. Lots of parents were out with their kids pulling them in sleds, making snow angels, all that wintery, feel good crap. I made my way to where I first caught the glimpse of the city. When I reached the trees it opened to a spot that was probably the best view of Prague one could find. I was ecstatic. This is probably the highlight of my entire trip. I snapped a few pictures then my camera died. AAAAAAAAH! It was so unbelievably cold that I thought maybe that's what was affecting it. I was about a kilometer (kilometer, you like that?) from the venue so I hauled ass back hoping that it would be open since I could no longer feel my toes. I saw some ANTIFA tags and realized I was still dressed in my best anti-fascist digs. I guess that's why all the parents that i passed pulled their children a little bit closer. I might as well have had stink lines coming off of me. In fact, I probably did. I got back and some of the guys were hanging out inside the venue, which was a small coffee shop. I was freaking out about the camera so Taylor, resident camera nerd, took a look at it and informed me that my batteries had died. phew! It sucked because I had just bought them, oh well. I convinced he and Wil that they had to see this view so they accompanied me on the cold journey back.
By the time we got there night had fallen and we were treated to an illuminated cityscape. It is an image I will never be able to forget no matter how hard I try. After many photo ops we got back to the venue. The promoter and his girlfriend or friend or whatever, Alena, were there with the food. Everyone had already eaten, but there was still plenty of food left. They served it to us from some sort of WWII food container. It was some sort of rice concoction that I ate very much a lot of, no? While I was out sightseeing Ryan and Phil went to a cafe and ate, what they claim to be, the best crepe dessert ever. I would've liked to have gone, but whatever, I stand by my decision. I decided I had to see more so I left to walk around by myself. I climbed a path towards a monastery that seemed to be the highest point in Prague. Besides overlooking the city it also overlooked a vast vineyard. I wish it was lighter out so I could've snapped better pictures. On the opposite side of the vineyard, peeking over the hill was what looked like the Eiffel Tower. I was told later that back in the day some Czech's went to Paris and liked the Eiffel Tower so much that they returned to Prague and built a smaller version of it. I climbed the path into the monastery and wandered around. After a couple of minutes I realized I was being followed. I went about my business and kept my good eye on him. I finally stopped and turned around and said, "Hello," in an overly pleasant, matter-of-fact way as in "I seeeee you." I think I confused the old man. He just turned and walked back the way he came. I left shortly after and went back to set up merch. It was such a small space like playing in someone's living room. It even kind of resembled a living room. The people there were friendly and helpful. The show was filled with some of the cutest people I've ever laid eyes on. That's right, we're in Prague. Your Fucking Nightmare opened the show. The show promoter, Pavel, was the singer. People were packed in like sardines so I just listened from the other room. I was told during their set that some people sat down in a single file on the floor and imitated a rowing team. Brilliant. After the show I met nice girl named Alishka. We joked and talked about music. She told me she listened to bands like xBishopx. hmm. She was from north of Prague, but goes to University here. She was straight edge and her drink of choice was Kofola, a Euro style Coca-Cola. Someone said it was comparable to Moxy soda, whatever that is. Wasn't bad stuff.
Well the show ends and we pack up and leave for Alena's apartment where we were staying. She was going to take us to an 80's night at some club. Unrestrained is filled with dancers and hams. They are excited. I was kind of tired, but I knew I would regret forever not going. We dropped the sleepers off and parked the van in an overnight lot near the action. We would be getting wasted so we didn't want to have to worry about driving home. We'd just hop on the trolley. We walked through a lot of side streets until we got to this huge city square looking area. It resembled the National Mall in DC, just a long open stretch of area with buildings lining either side. At the head of it was a grand, Capitol-like building. Alena told us that this was where the Velvet Revolution begun. The Velvet Revolution being the situation that sparked the overthrow of the Communist government ultimately splitting the Czech Republic from Slovakia. Thanks to those protesters you can now freely enjoy things like 80's night... Hmm, maybe Communism wasn't such a bad thing. We were led into this building that was some sort of mall. We realized the club was inside the mall. Weird set up. We also realized that this wasn't necessarily an 80's night. It was just a regular ass club. Turdy bros and slutty hoes. It was huge. Complete with stage to dance on, balconies, and a massive screen playing videos as the backdrop to the dancing.
1 -11
It got too dark to write so I had to come back to it. So we are at the "80's night." We got some beers and hit the dance floor. Now I'm not what you call a dancer by any sense of the word, but i figured what the hell. It was packed tight so you had to navigate through bodies then find a spot to call your own kind of like being on a crowded beach and trying to find a spot to put down your towel. Phil, Alena and I decided to do some Absinthe shots. Prague is one of the few and last places you can get real Absinthe. WA WA WEE WA! Just one left me feeling pretty good. The dance floor was COVERED in broken glass. You couldn't step with out hearing a crunch. I asked why there was so much glass on the ground. Were people just careless and lazy dropping their glasses wherever? or was it sort of customary to show that you were having a good time by throwing your bottle down? I was told it was a little of both, but let's not kid ourselves here I didn't care why I was gonna do it anyway. OOMPAH! About 5 OOMPAH's later we crunched our way off the floor and headed out. We swung by a pizza shop and got some falafels and slices. I opted for the sausage stand and got what Phil and Ryan called a "Toiletwurst." Smell or no smell it was yums. Phil got a fried cheese sandwich. So good. We took the trolley home. It seems like in all of these cities that after a certain late hour subways, trolleys, and public transportation serve only one purpose; Transporting drunks. Seriously, I don't remember paying once. We just kind of walk on and ignore the driver. They don't ask, we don't pay. I drunkenly tried to eat my Bathroom-dog on the bumpy ride home. I ended up with a lot of mustard on my face.
The next morning we awoke to a wonderful array of food. A tray of two different kinds of spread on bread with sliced tomato and tea. It was delicious I ate so much. That seems to be the universal European breakfast: bread, spread, vegetable/fruit garnish topping and tea. Euro's love their spreads. Ryan, Phil, Alena, Pavel, and myself all set out for Alena's work to exchange our money back to Euro's from Crowns and to do a little sightseeing. We originally had planned to get up early and sightsee, but we all ended up sleeping until noon. The worst part was that we planned on leaving at 1pm and then maybe stopping in Dresden to look around as well. On top of all that the memory card in my camera was almost filled and I was freaking out so we needed to find a camera store. We searched up and down, but found nothing. Alena told me that she could probably empty it out and burn it on a cd at her work. That's when I found out what she did for a living. She managed a TOUR center! I guess that explains why she knew something about every building we passed. SCORE! So now I'm even more psyched and I can't keep my hands off my camera. It was like the ultimate walking tour of Prague. Everything I saw had its historical significance explained to me. Lerning r kewl. THANKS ALENA!
We got to her work and warmed up a bit. I left my overcoat in the van so I only had a hoodie to protect me from the wrath of Jack Frost. Alena let us take a few gifts from the gift shop. free gifts! It was getting later and later so we had to kick this into high gear. Cue the fast forward montage ala Benny Hill. We walked a different route back instead of going back the way we came. It was a 20 min walk to the van and it would undoubtedly be even longer now that I had a cleared memory card. It was balls cold and constantly taking pictures left my hands exposed. They turned a nice beet red. Ryan and I were holding everyone up so they just stopped waiting for us and continued to walk leaving us literally running to catch up at some points. A lot of times we would run ahead of everyone so that by the time we were done taking pictures they would be catching up to us. I stopped by a store so I could buy some Absinthe for Alena to mail back to me. party. We walked across the Charleston Bridge, the oldest bridge in Prague. It was a wide pedestrian bridge lined with statues and people peddling their art or goods. We checked the time and it was almost 2:30. YIKES! We knew everyone would be awake wondering where we were. Since none of our cell phones work there is no way for them to contact us either. They just have to sit and wait. We concocted this huge story as to why we were late. It was a doozy. We even practiced our fake anger when retelling the lie. When we got back we elected one of us to speak while the rest of us stomped in frustration behind them. It was go time and we entered the apartment expecting the worst. Most of them were still asleep or didn't care. PHEW! We got everyone up and said our goodbyes. I crammed face with the remaining slices of spread bread and made my way to the van avoiding the minefield of dog poop on the sidewalk. Cmon, Prague, get on those poop laws! HUBICHKU'S, PRAGUE!
the drive to Lichtenstein, Germany was adventurous. Around the Czech/German border there was a portion of the highway missing so we had to take the ultimate backroads. At one point our GPS went blank and said it had no idea where we were. It instructed us to turn into this small little village town and take a dirt road that was only as wide as our van. The roads were poorly cleared of snow and pretty steep. Some were 12% grade! Put that in a bottle, it'll get you drunk! We survived and got to the German border were we were greeted by the police. We were getting pulled over for being suspicious except instead of getting behind us to pull us over they got in front of us. On the back of the Polize van was a blinking sign that apparently translated to "Follow Me." Guus yelled for everyone to get their seatbelts on. We followed them away from the main road to a deserted building's parking lot. They pulled in front of us blocking us in and everyone was getting pretty scared. They asked for all of our passports in German. Guus said, "English, please," and they complied. he later told us that a long time ago he got pulled over in Germany and since he understands a bit of the language he let them speak German to him. They started barking orders and he didn't understand so he told them he didn't speak German. Well they got PISSED and arrested him. They snooped around the van then let us continue on our way. Early on in the tour we were told by multiple people that this would happen a lot. Well tour was past the halfway mark and this was the first instance. WE BEAT THE SYSTEM! Knock on wood.
Back to Germany. When we entered Germany the first time we kept seeing signs on the highway that said, "Ausfahrt" with an arrow pointing. We all made our jokes about living in a city named Ausfahrt, but the signs never disappeared no matter how far we traveled. We finally asked Guus where the city of Ausfahrt was since we kept seeing signs for it. He laughed and told us it meant "exit." DOH! Some of us were just finally realizing this now after we were already in this country once! We stopped at a gas station and Derek dared me to eat this ketchup filled sausage. Seriously? that's it? Funny thing is I probably would've actually gotten it to eat without a dare. HA, sucker!
Lichentstein is a very small town. We got a little lost finding the venue and everyone was getting really frustrated. Especially since Guus seemed not to be listening to the GPS at all and just making random turns. Then he would pick the tightest spots to turn around in. It was seriously like that scene in Austin Powers where he turns the cart around in the hallway. To make it worse the van had sensors to warn us when we got too close to something. There were different high pitched beeping noises that would warn you if you were too close in the front, side or rear. Every beep was going crazy and it only added to everyone's frustration. After almost giving up we were passed by another van full of punk looking guys. We had been so close all along. Everyone's mood picked up almost immediately. I think people are starting to get a little homesick and tour tired. It's inevitable. Whenever you hit that point where you know the end is near you kind of just want to get it over with. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't starting to feel it, too. At the risk of sounding lame watching the sun set on the mountains in the Czech Republic while listening to the Weakerthans definitely makes you think of that special someone. Except I don't have one of those anymore so I just thought about cake. Everyone has been getting along great. There has been a minimal amount of pissiness. One of the funnest things of this tour is all of the running jokes we have. The Hungarian Twins, our Eastern European accents, impressions of Carl from Aqua Teen and an irate Bill O'Reilly, and our relentless references to that SNL sketch "Schmitt's Gay Beer." City Limits: Budapest. Me: "This place is a dump." Ryan: "just wait until you see the pool." "Hey Lob, I think I'm gonna like Vienna." "Ah, yeah." I'm gonna miss these guys, but enough of this crap!
The venue was in this rec center in the middle of nowhere complete with separate shack serving as a backstage filled with snacks and beer for the bands. This was the promoter's annual birthday show. His name is Michael Graves. He's super cool. He's in his 30's and is straight edge. He's still really psyched on hardcore after all these years. Unrestrained said he was pretty much the reason for this entire tour since he contacted them asking them to play his party. They based it all around this one show. His party was pirate themed. We had the entire tour to prepare our costumes. As you can guess we had none. I bought a toy gun at the gas station for my last minute Somali pirate outfit. I didn't know how well it would go over so I decided not to do it. There were 4 other bands playing including a Bridge 9 band, No Turning Back- Europe's longest running straight edge band. Everyone was really nice, but it was definitely filled with the hardcore dress code; dunks, basketball shorts, flat brims, etc. Sigh, I miss Eastern Europe already. The place was filled with pirates, though, so that was cool. A few even had some pretty elaborate costumes. I was in no mood to be at a show. Guus, knowing he didn't have to drive anymore that night, dived headfirst into the band beers. I joined him and we emptied them proper. A lot of bands were straight edge so that was awesome, more for me. When we would run out, Guus would track someone down and ask for more. Keep 'em coming. The show was a blur, but there was definitely a cover set of Joy Division, the Cure and the Smith's songs. yep. The show ended and, in typical German fashion, the techno music got cranked. Wil went wild challenging Germany to a dance off. I must say USA: 1 Germany: 0. I was falling asleep so I couldn't wait for them to set up our sleeping area. The second the last cot was put in place I turned in.
This morning we were treated to warm rolls and spread, but that wasn't all. We also had some weird lunch meats that I happily made into a sandwich. As we were packing Michael told us we had to sign the guestbook. Pretty much every band who has ever played there signed the guestbook. I saw 86 'Tality reppin'. After debating on what our entry should be we settled on Unrestrained: The Search for Bilo tour 09.
1-12 1am
Tonight we played Aachen, Germany. It's pretty much a college town. Pretty cool, though. The drive here took fooooorever. Great scenery, tons of castles lurking on the hilltops. We passed No Turning Back, who we were playing with tonight. Wil thought we should treat them to a time honored American tradition, the moon. Unfortunately the windows were tinted and Guus wouldn't let us open the sliding door. They lived to see another day. We found the venue which turned out to be a college. how about that? Our promoter's name was Anna. She looked to be in her early 20's. She pointed us to the load-in spot which was this driveway that looked like it led to Hell. It was really steep and long. At the bottom we entered what looked like a sewer system. It was straight out of a Resident Evil game. FOR REAL! There were dead ends complete with chain locked gates and random garbage strewn about. The door into the venue was thicker than a tree. I realized it was the entrance to a bomb shelter. We were playing in a WWII bomb shelter in Germany! WHOA! It was huge. A black curtain hung in the middle to seperate the show area and the backstage area. On the show side of the curtain it looked like any bar/venue in any city. There was a bar area at the front, foosball tables, and bathrooms. There were a lot of people in attendance probably one of the biggest shows so far. No Turning Back is a big band apparently. So we set up in the dark corner and our merch was dwarfed by everyone else's monster selections.
In the back stage area there was a table with the typical bread and spread. There was one difference, CHEESE! Man, how I've missed you! THIS is why I will never be vegan. We were all grumpy looking at our dinner since everyday has been a new food adventure. The term "spoiled" is probably applicable. You see in Europe they feed you at every gig. Usually it's something they've spent a lot of time preparing. Pretty much every morning we have our bread and spread then spend the drive to the next gig daydreaming and talking about what we might be eating that evening. So when we walked into the bomb shelter - the cold, cold bomb shelter - and find exactly what we ate that morning it really put a damper on the festivities. Some weirdo, homeless guy asked us to sign some document stating that all of the songs played were originals. He said they were having trouble with the police or something. Other people told us he was just crazy and not to worry about it. I don't know much else about him I just avoided eye contact for fear that he might take my ear off or stab me. I nestled into my corner and sipped my Bitburger. Everyone here is really tall. I'd say the average height of the show is about 6"2. The show happened and Wil found out that the bread spread was just a snack. We were being taken to a restaurant afterwards. YES! My night did a 180.
We were taken to this kick ass french fry joint. There were about 40 different combinations of french fries and dips. On top of that there was a glass case filled with breaded meats. Behind that was a MOUNTAIN of fries waiting to be cooked to gold perfection. Heaven. Last but not least, there was a separate fryer for the purpose of deep frying CANDY BARS! I started with a huge meatball and a cornflaked chicken thingy. Then I ordered fries with anfoulouses sp? sauce. Guus told me that it was a more of a Dutch thing, but it consisted of a mayonnaise base, cocktail sauce, whiskey, and the list went on. It was great but I could only eat so much. I abandoned it in favor of a curry ketchup. Everybody was stuffed. You could actually hear the room getting fatter. Unfortunately and probably fortunately, the batter machine for the candy bars was down. So no more fatness. We did see the reappearance of the cookie. Bet you forgot about that, huh? It's looking pretty gnarly these days, but the end is near! Someone must eat the cookie! Phil made the ultimate cookie pass. Everyone was running around trying to sort out their food situation. Anna was ordering for everyone since the guy didn't speak English. It was kind of hectic and she was getting annoyed. There were a lot of vegan mix ups. Wil got up to use the bathroom and when he came back Phil had replaced his veggie burger with the cookie. Way to go, Phil! We also witnessed the SECOND time on tour that Derek had to pay for his food twice due to vegan mix ups. We went back to Anna and her boyfriend's, who lived on the 6th floor of a 7 floor WALK UP. Even if there was an elevator we probably should've walked considering what we just ate. It was HUGE and modern like a loft. Very nice. She set up the living room for us. It was like a shelter, there were matresses covering almost every inch of the floor. We got settled in and almost immediately there was an eye watering, sinus clearing, gagging stench. It was so bad we had to open the windows. We first thought it was Zeke, but pinpointed the odor to Ryan's feet. That boy can stink. I guess walking in the wet and snow a ton without changing your socks will do it. His feet are listed in the toxic waste registry. We made him scrub his feet in the bathroom and I passed the hell out. The next morning I woke up to, you'll never guess! I've said it once and I'll say it again, As German's love David Hasselhoff, Europeans love their bread and spread. We actually got cheese based ones this time. Who am I kidding? I'm going to be so bummed without my morning spreads. We are en route to Amsterdam and Taylor is frothing at the mouth. "Baggy sweatpants wearing his shirt as a hat, I never seen anyone looking like that, he hit the floor, next thing you know, BEE-LO BEE-LO BEE-LO BEE-LO"
1-13
It's almost over :-( Yesterday we drove into Amsterdam to hang out before the show and take Guus home. We got dropped off at the train station and were reunited with Mez's smiling face. Good ole Mez. He'll deny it, but he was happy to see us, too. Finally someone that can match our sarcasm and wit, sorry Guus. Mez was gonna give us his tour of Amsterdam. As I was looking forward to Prague the entire tour, Taylor has been looking forward to Amsterdam. I'm sure you can figure out why. We got to the red light district and it really didn't look much different than any strip of bars in any city I've been to in America. I guess I was just expecting something a little different. This could've been the Loop just more compact. Occasionally you would get a wafting of weed smoke, but like I said, the Loop. We dropped Taylor off in a hash bar, Wil off at a tattoo parlor, and the rest of us just walked around. We saw the canals and encountered this really weird metal stall on the sidewalk. It was like a phonebooth, but more open aired. Mez told us it was a street urinal. Of course, we all used it. Looking at it from the outside you could see the person's head and feet. On the inside you stood on a patch of cement facing a sheet of metal. You did your business and it just emptied out onto the ground around the stall. I can only imagine what it's like in the summertime. I treated passeryby's to very loud sounds of relief. "OOOOOOOOH!" and "YEAH, THAT'S THE STUFF!" As I was waiting for everyone to take their turns I realized a rather large, black lady was staring at me. She stood in a little room behind a glass door with a red light over it. She was scantily clad, but probably shouldn't have been. She started tapping at the glass to get my attention. I'm glad they kept that beast caged. I thought that any minute she was going to break through the glass and drag me into the recesses her lair. I avoided eye contact at all cost. It was understood that the best would become enraged if I snapped a photo so I refrained. Apparently they don't like that. All the window girl's rooms are equipped with panic buttons that contact the police immediately if there's any funny business.
We walked on following Mez. He led us into a narrow pass between two buildings. It was literally as wide as about 1 1/2 people. As we walked further in we saw it was filled with people. We got to the middle and I looked to my right and there was a girl RIGHT THERE! I almost jumped it scared the crap out of me. Lining the alley maze were dozens of window girls standing about 3 inches from the glass. It was like some sort of sexy haunted house. If you've ever seen 13 Ghosts it's exactly like that except all the ghosts are women in lingerie and they'd rather have sex with you than kill you. Well, actually they'd probably rather kill you than have sex with you. I dunno. Judging from the alley clientele I bet murder crosses their minds a lot. As we were walking up a particular alley Phil was leading the way. He had a huge a grin on his face and head permanently pointed left towards the girls. A pack of mules probably couldn't have turned it an inch. Not paying attention to where he was going he walked directly into a pipe. He sheepishly grinned and straightened himself out. Everyone died laughing even Phil. The girl in the window laughed a little, too.
We walked back to the coffeehouse where Taylor was getting his groove on and had a seat. We shared tour stories with Mez all the while getting some unintentional secondhand smoke. Leaving the shop I finally realized the greatness of Amsterdam. It wasn't the drugs, it wasn't the girls, it wasn't street urinals, it was the stoner food!! Every corner is packed with pizza, ice cream, french fries, anything you could possibly want. Just give me a warm waffle covered in icing, custard, strawberries and bananas, you can keep everything else! Since Taylor was stoned it was gonna be easy to convince him to buy food and give me a bite, ha. I'm bite king!! After Taylor almost walked in front of a trolley car it got me thinking, how many people are injured or robbed every year? It is baffling. Amsterdam is the weed capital of the world yet it's the busiest place ever! Bikes are everywhere. I was sober and almost got hit by at least two bikes and a car. There are a million trolleys and the streets are insanely narrow. We would be walking down what we thought was a sidewalk and a car would just turn towards us. Besides all of that you have an army of stoned people walking around ripe for the picking. There are sketchy dudes on every corner trying to sell you harder drugs. I'm sure robbing people here is like taking candy from a baby.
After our french fries with satay sauce we fetched Wil from the tattoo parlor. He got a road sign from the Autobahn tattooed on his arm. It was a sign with 3 long arrows. Two continued straight and one bent to the right signifying an exit. In Mannheim there was a sticker of this sign and over the bent arrow was the word "progress." nice. Guus definitely loved him some autobahn. In the beginning he complained about it, but after the Slovakian mountain roads it became the road to Heaven. Living in America and hearing about the crazy highway in Europe where you can drive as fast as you want really painted a specific picture in our minds. A picture I shared with as many German's as possible. A long, flat, straight road that goes on for miles. Your vision is obstructed by a foggy haze. Every mile or so you come across a fiery, overturned car. An orphaned child is crying over the mangled corpses of his parents then eating them. Throw in some flying cars and lazers and you got yourself an autobahn. The Autobahn was nothing more than Highway 44 going to 6 Flags. The only difference was that their drivers were more courteous! We told Guus if he couldn't hack it on the 'Bahn he wouldn't last a second in the US. Also, German's love the Hoff, but they don't seem to like Wil too much. They love to tease and give him shit. ha.
Night fell and it was time to make the 30 minute drive to Leiden for the show. We dropped Guus off at his house. He lives in a squatted house that looks as good if not better than any house you'd find in Webster Groves. WTF! We got in the general area of the venue, but couldn't find it. There were only big office buildings around. After driving in circles we decided to stop and ask someone. A bike rack in front of a building caught our attention so we went to check it out. As it turns out the venue is this 7 story office building! Across the street was the Leiden train station. This wasn't the outskirts of town this was right near the action. We knocked on the main door and were rushed in. There is a constant police threat. The cops aren't allowed to just walk in even though the building is being squatted. We climbed some stairs and entered an open area. On one wall there was a bar with tons of empty beer cases, a stage on another, and a makeshift kitchen on another. There were a few people running around putting the final touches on our dinner. A punk girl was tending a GIANT wok. It was the biggest wok I've ever seen like an industrial sized wok or something. I could take a bath in it and be able to fully submerge myself. The food smelled great and we all hungrily hovered around her like vultures. mmmmm woooook! After a bit they started plating the food and passing it out. It was a sort of stew, but not really. Honestly it was just a bunch of crap thrown into a wok and heated. Vegetables, potatoes, some seasoning, pretty basic. After we took our first bite the girl said, "I hope you don't mind everything is from the container." We were all puzzled. Of course we don't mind if our food came from a container. She spoke English well, but was having trouble finding the right words. "The Bin?" Nope, that still means nothing to me. It was about this time I figured out the word she was searching for. We definitely have "containers" in the US. They are just more widely referred to as DUMPSTERS. Oh well, I'm in it to win it. Come to think of it that was a strangely big wok. In fact I don't think it was a wok at all. I think they just wheeled the whole dumpster in! They just heated it up and scooped out whatever looked good. ha. Saying we ate dumpster food wasn't too accurate. We were told that with a lot of markets in Europe when perishables start to show signs of wilting or decay they set them out for anyone to take. It's not like in America where they sit on the shelf until no one will touch them then are thrown into a padlocked dumpster. Man, to care about your fellow human beings and not waste food. What will they think of next??
The actual show space was down a spiral staircase kind of hidden away. It was seriously no bigger than about 22 x 15 ft. This is going to be sweet. Early on in tour I had talked to Henk from Kangaroo records, the guy responsible for the Euro presses of Cardiac Arrest records. I told him we'd be playing near him and to come out so we could hang and finally meet. All tour we had planned on learning a couple of Cardiac Arrest songs to play on this date. For one reason or another we just never got around to it. I didn't see Henk there anyway. Zeke had been sleeping in the van the entire time we were inside. He finally caught the illness being passed around. Phil went to get him and returned with a VERY sick Zeke. Phil was basically propping him up Weekend at Bernie's style. This wasn't good. There was no way in hell he could play a set. He looked delirious. Oddly enough no one seemed panicked or anything. It was decided that Ryan would play drums and sing. "FUCK IT! WE'LL DO IT LIVE!!!" While setting up I taught everyone a Cardiac Arrest song to play. See they ARE that easy! It was basically going to be a fuck-all set. I ended up singing a Bad Brains and Minor Threat cover. Derek sang a few songs, too. It was really fun and looked as though the audience agreed. After the set we just hung out and talked with people. I talked to a guy named Martin who was into a bunch of good, current bands. I offered him some CA records and he said he already had them. sick. I asked him what was up with Henk. He said that Henk doesn't come out to shows because he's too old. Even when bands like Career Suicide come he'll drink with them before the show then go to bed on the couch. ha. I told him if he saw Henk to say, "Rob from CA says..." then just put his head down in shame.
Tonight we were staying with Ron the promoter. Like G, he also looked like Rick ta Life. What the hell is up with this? He lived in a nice apartment along a canal near a huge windmill. He had a ton of records so we sat around listening to them and using the internet. When it was time for bed he led us up the stairs to our sleeping area. "wait? one more level up?" Everytime we thought we had reached the top there was another flight of stairs until we got to a ladder that led into the attic. We were sleeping in the attic. It was actually pretty alright. The ceilings were slanted signifying that, yes, we were at the very top of the building. It was pretty late and we had to be up at 5am to drive back to Belgium, drop off the van and make our way to France for our ferry ride back to the UK. I am not psyched.
1-14 2am
Today I've been in 4 different countries. How crazy is that? We woke up at Ron's and walked back to the van at the venue. I was barely even awake. We arrived in Belgium around 8am to drop off the van. I was a little down because I really wanted to get some chocolates while I was in Belgium and that obviously wasn't going to happen at 8am and given our time constraints. While we were cleaning out the van and loading everything back into Mez's we asked what band was renting the van next. Our mouths hit the floor when he responded, "Rick ta Life." This is some sort of sign. Either the apocalypse is coming or I'm supposed to start some type of monastery in the mountains of Tibet. Instead of shaving our heads we'll all grow dreads and bootleg hardcore shirts. Geez, if we knew he was getting the van after us we wouldn't have spent so much time cleaning it out. We probably would've hid a dook as well! Oh well it doesn't matter anyway, it's gonna take them months to get that stink out of it. Zeke was still sick so Phil was going to run to a nearby pharmacy and get him some medicine. I accompanied him in a last ditch effort to find chocolates. The pharmacy was only about a block away and as we got nearer we realized it was still closed. Well it was pretty early still. Low and behold what was across the street? That's right, you muthas, A CHOCOLATE SHOP! OPEN! Why the hell is a chocolate shop open at this hour? I didn't ask questions. The chocolate gods thought it fit and, yay, it was good. Before Phil could say anything to me a dust outline of my body was in place of where I was standing. Cartoon style. I swore Phil to secrecy with chocolate bribes. By the time we were done in the chocolate shop the pharmacy had opened. As we walked towards it Mez and the gang were coming around the corner to find us. "oh, it was closed so we went to check, uh, other places..." heh heh, the perfect crime. We got the medicine, got some gas, and made a beeline to France to make our ferry. I'm gonna miss Van Diesel.
We arrived at the ferry station just in the nick of time... or so we thought. We forgot about one thing, UK CUSTOMS! SHITE! We had to do the same song and dance as we did in the airport. It was the last day of tour, geez, give us a break. They grilled us about our business and played good cop/bad cop for a bit. Their shenanigans ate up a good 15 minutes and we missed our ferry. They said another ferry would be leaving shortly. Well I don't know the exact measurement of time they consider "shortly" to be in Great Britain, but in the US it sure as hell isn't 2 hours. I really wanted to see London in the daytime. we drove through foggy, rainy southern England to London and arrived around 4:30. It gets dark around 5:30 so we had to move it. We got lost about 10 times looking for the venue, but our detours allowed me to see a lot of London I would've missed. I guess not having a GPS has its advantages. At least getting lost with Mez was less hectic than being lost with Guus. I touched upon it earlier, but it was seriously annoying. On top of opting to turn around in the tightest of spots, he would constantly stall the engine in inopportune times. He did it so many times I told him that the next time he does it and every time after he would have to take off an article of clothing. we all agreed later that Guus would never ever own near the amount of clothes required for him to remove. And the warning beeps, UGH! I can still hear them. As luck would have it Phil figured out how to turn them off about an hour before we were supposed to return the van. DOH!
Mez guided us to our destination masterfully. It was in an area called Camden. It was like a punk bazaar. There were a ton of shops that emptied out onto the sidewalk for as far as the eye could see. There were even some flea market style areas filled with vendors. The venue is a MASSIVE, multi room, multi level bar. I bet it occupied an entire city block. Tonight was supposed to be a huge show. We were playing with some other American bands I had never heard of and honestly after watching them it didn't bother me one bit. We found the backstage area and talked to some of the other American kids. nice guys. Ryan's friend Kiki was there as well. She was responsible for getting Unrestrained on the show. also nice. We were all hungry and we weren't being fed so we had to fend for ourselves. We were directed to an all you can eat Thai restaurant. all you can eat Thai??? I'm in heaven. We didn't really feel like sitting there so we chose option B. Option B being filling a container to the brim and only paying half price. Here's a little tour tip to stretch your dollar. In situations like this, while you're waiting for the person in line in front of you to set down the ladel or scoop for the item you want, you eat what you have! So by the time you get to the end of the buffet line you turn around and go right back to the beginning and start over. This isn't rocket science people! We took our food back to the venue and it was so good we all regretted not paying full price to just stay there and eat. Everyone was starting to get sad because it was the last day of tour. One of the local bands asked if they could play after Unrestrained instead of opening the show. This did not sit well with the guys, but after much deliberation they begrudgingly consented. Whatever. Unrestrained played a great send off set and people dug them. Other than that the show was pretty whatever. Not my thing at all. It was definitely not the bomb-diggity.
It ended and I gave all the remaining CA 7ins to Mez for being a rad dude. I feel bad for him since he's gotta drive all the way back to Leeds as soon as possible. He found us a place to stay, but I didn't want to risk oversleeping and missing my flight. So I suggested we just go straight to the airport and sleep there. Plus if we stayed with his friend we would have to ride the tube from Camden to the airport. The subway map was a bit daunting. Everyone agreed so Mez drove us to Heathrow. It was about 1am. sorry, Mez. We did get stuck in construction traffic on Tower bridge so I took that opportunity to get out and snap some pictures.
We showered Mez with love and found a cozy area to sleep. My flight doesn't leave until 10am so we have some time to kill. Their flight leaves at 3pm so they REALLY have some time to kill. Also, today is the final showdown for the cookie! Whoever wakes up with it LOSES TOUR! Some of the guys are trying hard to stay awake so that they don't LOSE TOUR. Earlier in the day Phil and I made a cookie alliance. We agreed that no matter what we wouldn't plant it on one another. I tried to make an alliance with Ryan, but he balked and said it was every man for himself. That's fine, but guess who has the cookie!? ME!! It was decided that Ryan shall get the cookie from Cookie Claus. MWAH HA HA! Sometimes it's fun to mess with Ryan since he likes to mess with everyone. That lovable scamp. As I write this people are slowly shuffling around like the Night of the Living Dead. The tour is over, the sun is going to be rising soon and the cookie is nestled snugly in Ryan's jacket pocket. In the kingdom of tour, the man with no cookie is king!!
1-14
"HEY ICEMAN, HOW ABOUT A HOT CUP O' JOE!"
I just boarded my bus from Chicago to St. Louis. My tour is officially over. Bummer. Bum indeed. I look like a total bum. Unshaven, dirty, smelly, dirty clothes, paint covered coat, plus it looks like I'm carrying every possession I own. So last night/this morning we were sitting in the airport and I couldn't sleep. everytime I dozed off I'd wake up panicking that I missed my flight. One of the American bands from the show, Killing the Dream, sat near us the whole night and I don't think we talked once. I was in no mood to talk to anyone. I tried to at least give them an acknowledging nod, but it just got to the point where we would both look in the opposite direction when our paths crossed. I thought it was pretty hilarious. I finally woke up at 7:30am. I had to check in by 8am. I forgot how hard it is to get those guys moving in the morning. It sucked because I was rushing around so much that we kind of half-assedly said goodbye, but then again what constitutes a good goodbye? Ryan officially LOST TOUR... in my eyes, at least. He'll tell you differently. Ryan woke up with the cookie courtesy of yours truly and LOST TOUR! In true Ryan fashion he wouldn't accept the loss and insisted the cookie was still in play. HA! He even refused to hold it for a picture feeling that that would be accepting the loss. I'll miss those guys. I'll miss Europe. Goodbye powerful hand dryers. Goodbye funny accents. Goodbye snowy, Slovakian mountain roads. Goodbye driver who hates to drive and the majority of the band. Goodbye spreads. I'll miss you all. I'll sign this off with the wisest thing said on the entire tour, "Who's got the stick? I've got the stick!"
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